Grandma's Boone's Farm

Christmas was crazy and chaotic as you can expect when you have tons of family over. It's just part of it!

But, out of all the memories, the one that I will tell over and over will be when our prim and proper Grandma is sitting at the kitchen table peeling potatoes at 1pm and the following conversation takes place:

Grandma: "Sis, why don't you go in the fridge and pour me a glass of Boone's Farm"

Me: [trying to control laughter] "Boone's Farm, Grandma?"

Grandma: "Why yes! It's really good!"

As I try to ignore the request...

Grandma: "Sis, I'm serious. Pour me a glass of wine."

Me: "Grandma, it's not even 5pm yet."

Grandma: "I know. But it sure would taste good right now."

So, I pour her a small glass...

(a little history...my dad is EXTREMELY against drinking)

Grandma: "Why don't you have some?"

Me: "Nah, that's okay Grandma"

Grandma: "Oh, come on. In fact, anyone over 12 can have some. It's not that strong."

Me: "I think we'll all pass. But thank you Grandma."

====

In all honestly, it was probably all of us that needed the Boone's Farm to deal with her. I think from now on, I will be bringing a flask to Grandma's!

Meanwhile, I'm sure the grandkids are going to be banned from visiting with out other adult supervision as she was trying to contribute to the delinquency of a minor.

Merry Christmas!

New Years Equipment

The whole gym membership thing is not working out for me. The gym is a 1/2 mile from my house, and I'm wasting $45 a month on the membership. I don't particularly like this gym and it is obvious, I do not go.

When I do go, I spend most of the time on the elliptical machine, my favorite machine. I usually spend anywhere from 30 - 60 minutes on it. I think I like it the most as the "calories burned" happen to be double any of the other machines I have tried.

However, my stepmom has me interested in this Couch-to-5K Running Plan. She wants me to run a 5K with her in March. I've seen the results and she looks GREAT! And I've always wished I was a runner. But I am not. I'm not sure if it's an endurance thing, an attention span thing, a laziness thing...or a combination of all of them. But I've never been a runner.

So, I have decided I am either purchasing an elliptical machine or a treadmill. The question is which one...

So before I make the big purchase, I am open to recommendations and personal preferences.

Starting 2007 With A Bang!

All the doubt, worries, concerns, and stress that have seemed to overwhelm me the past several week, have dissolved.

Today, I closed on the house. I'm officially a homeowner and feel like I have just lost 50 lbs after getting that done! The actual closing was pretty painless. Although I have started to partake in some Red Bull and vodka....

I have a job locked in for January 15th. A good job at that. I get 2 weeks to detox from the hell that I have loosely called a job. However, even the sucky job that I had gave me a bit. They moved me to Atlanta and I am not required to pay that back. My surgery was taken care of. I have a separation package. And I met a couple of decent people, one of which is a very good friend now.

I start school again January 16th. If everything goes according to plan, I will complete my Bachelors in Management by the end of the summer.

So, 2006 ended up being a pretty fantastic year. It had its curve balls, but each ended up working out, which I think made it an even better year.

Last year, I spent New Years with Morrigan, her beau, Spurs and Napster in Vegas! So we even kicked 2006 off to a good start.

This year, I am spending New Years in 2007 with another friend (and about 60 of her closest friends) at a country themed New Years party in Kansas City. So, I will bring in 2007 celebrating escaping hell (Yuma and this job), the absence of my gall bladder, a homeowner....all while dressed in a cowgirl get-up!

Now tell me, what does that foreshadow??

Proud Parent

So, I have been disowned by my blog children.

You must go read each of their answers to the Christmas Meme.

*wipes tear* I'm proud! And in tears I'm laughing so hard!

Christmas Meme

Bahumbug! CalTechGirl tagged me with the Christmas Meme.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper if I can get someone to wrap it for me. Huh, Morrigan?

2.Real tree or artificial? Artificial. The less work, the better. And something bugs me about cutting down a tree, paying $100 and then throwing it away in a month.

3.When do you put up the tree? Thanksgiving Weekend if I'm motivated enough.

4.When do you take the tree down? When I get over my hangover from New Years.

5.Do you like eggnog? Never had it. My guess? No!

6.Favorite gift you received as a child? My Barbie Dreamhouse and my portable CD player

7.Do you have a nativity scene? No

8.Hardest person to buy for? My dad. He buys himself whatever he wants usually.

9.Easiest person to buy for? Stepmom. She usually won't buy herself stuff or pamper herself. That's why she's my favorite to shop for.

10.Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail. Although, this year I was lazy and just made a pic of Kiki and me into a Christmas Card. No signing, no personal messages....

11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I thought it was cool then, but I look back now and regret every picture taken! A cowboy hat, a country shirt and boots. There are pictures of me rollerblading in that getup! I must find those pictures and burn them!

12.Favorite Christmas movie? Hmmm....not sure I have one.

13.When do you start shopping? (copy CTG's answer) I start whenever I see something that would be a great gift. The bulk is usually done on Black Friday.

14.Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes. But it wasn't from/to anyone extremely close to me.

15.Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My stepmom's doughcakes on Christmas morning!!

16.Clear lights or colored on the tree? Color and not blinking!

17.Favorite Christmas song? Carol of the Bells and Little Drummer Boy

18.Travel at Christmas or stay home? I look forward to the year I get to stay home. But since it's just me, I end up traveling to where ever the family is.

19.Can you name all of Santa's Reindeers? Doc, Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, oh wait....

20.Angel on the tree top or a star? Growing up, it was an angel...now that I have my own tree, a star.

21.Open the presents on Christmas Eve or morning? We always open one the night of Christmas Eve and open the rest Christmas morning.

22.Most annoying thing about this time of year? Not being in the spirit when everyone else is!

23.Do you have Jebus in your heart this Christmas? He's the same place he's been every Christmas.

24.What would you like for Christmas? I already got everything I wanted this year. But if I have to name something, Kiki and/or a bug killer ;-)

5 to Tag:

Spurs & Napster - They are my blog children, so I can tag them if I want to!!

Eric

Sticks

That 1 Guy

Tink

Dose of Birth Control

I went to visit my family this weekend for my live version of birth control.

I started off by visiting sis #2's school to meet her teacher and friends. As I was sitting in the back of the class, a 4th grade little girl turns to me and says, "You are so beautiful." Ha! Can I take her around and keep her in my pocket for daily doses of compliments?

We then went to see Charlotte's Web! I have a history with this movie. I used to watch it constantly when I was sis #2's age. It was and still is one of my favorites. The one in theaters was pretty good. It didn't have all the cool songs the older one has, but the visuals and the voices were great!

My parents then had tickets for all of us to see Kingston Trio. Do you know another 9 year old that would be excited to see Kingston Trio. She was in the audience, bouncing and singing to MTA, Tijuana Jail and Tom Dooley. Warped. My father has warped us!! We even stayed after and got autographs and pictures. The group even snuck in the back really quick to grab sis #2 a signed poster by all the newer members. I think they were shocked to see a 9 year old excited to be there.

This morning Sis #2 and I are to build a Ginger Bread House for a contest at the mall and she then has to meet her fellow Girl Scouts at the mall for caroling.

Oh, and for those of you that know my lack of creative abilities....here's what Sis #2 and I came up with...

And upon arriving yesterday, I was handed the Sissy List of what lil sis would like us to do this weekend.

Now Breathe!

It's a great position with a great company.

It's less than 2 miles from my house.

The people seem really great.

It's less than 2 miles from my house.

There is a lot of opportunity for advancement.

It's less than 2 miles from my house.

Santa has delivered early!

Going Away...

Alright gang! I am away until next Wed night (and will hopefully be bringing good news).

I'm going to Yuma tomorrow to get my fix of ghetto tacos and get my drink on! When I get back Monday, I have some committments that'll keep me away from the computer.

So the only chance of me blogging this weekend will be drunk blogging. But if I have my say, I won't even know how to turn the computer on, let alone type something ;-)

Ya'll have a nice weekend...

Online Shopping Tips

As much as I love to shop, I really only like to shop for me. It's that instant gratification thing.

However, I LOVE to shop for others online. I put a lot of thought into gifts and the most unique come from browsing the internet.

About 80% of my shopping this year is being done online. I've become somewhat of a pro. So, I have a few tips for those of you who do not want to leave the house, fight the traffic, be out in the cold, etc.

Tip 1:

Search for online coupons before completing your order. For example, if you are buying things from Red Envelope, search for "online Red Envelope coupon code" or "online Red Envelope promotional code". This particular search found me a 15% off discount my total purchase.

You'll often find free shipping discounts too, which always help.

Tip 2:

If you are a member of any type of frequent flyer or credit card rewards programs, visit their website and see who they are partners with. Often, if you follow a link from their website to the place you are going to shop at, you get either additional discounts or additional miles or rewards. A couple of times I have received "4 miles for every $1 spent" through Delta.

Tip 3:

Ebay. Think of something the person you are shopping for likes, and just type that in. For example, my uncle loves Poker. I typed in poker. After browsing, I narrowed the search to Poker Chips. I found a St. Louis Cardinals Poker Chip Card protector and a USMC Poker Chip Card protector (for my stepdad). They were $2 each after shipping.

So if you are like me and want to get something special/unique but don't have the creativity to think of something. Search for it. I guarantee you someone else has thought of something.

Tip 4:

This one is fairly simple. Have things shipped to the person you are buying for to save you from making the trip to the post office. Often, places will wrap it for you and include a card with a message.

Tip 5:

Get on mailing lists. This way, you don't have to keep checking websites to see when they are running an additional percentage off or any item specific sales. Often, if you are members of these lists, you'll get discounts specifically for mailing list members.

Hope this helps!

He Will Only Do It Doggy Style -- Help?!

Blogmom Bou and I had the following coversation this morning on messenger:

Bou: Some sexpert for the elderly named Sue Johanson is showing up on my msn flicker.

Sissy: Actually...she's not for the elderly. A lot of young people call her, it's quite funny.

Bou: Wow. She's like that troll woman used to be...I can't remember her name....Dr. Ruth!

The conversation went on about how old Dr. Ruth is (she was born in 1928) and how nothing was ever off limits or "bad" to her. As we dug deeper, we found that Dr. Ruth has a website.

One of the questions:

My Boyfriend of 5 years, always wants to have sex doggie style. we did for about 5-6 months. I got tired of it. I want him to make love to me. I’ll ask him why he won't and his answer is “I don't know.” Now we haven't had sex for about a month because I refuse to unless he makes love to me. It seems to me he’d rather not have sex at all. Can you please help me? It’s driving me nuts.

Dr. Ruth's Answer:

I can’t tell you what’s going through his mind, but I could take a guess. Perhaps he’s gay, but can’t admit it to anyone, and having sex this way allows him to fantasize that he’s having sex with a man rather than with a woman. That’s not the only explanation. It could be that he failed, i.e. lost his erection, having sex in other positions and now he’s afraid to try other positions again in case he’d have another failure. Or maybe he has stronger orgasms in this position. Or maybe you have bad breath and he can’t get up the courage to tell you. As you can see, my first guess isn’t the only possibility, but it’s still my number one choice. Are there any other signs of this? Is there any x-rated material on your computer that is linked to male sites? Gay magazines hidden in his closet? Since you’ve invested five years together, you definitely need to get to the bottom of this. I would recommend that you see a sex therapist. If he goes along, great, if not, you’ll get some help anyway. He’s never going to not prefer this position, but perhaps with the right help, he’d agree to make love to you the way you want to, and then perhaps finish off with sex in his favorite position. Or to some other compromise. But you do need to find out what his answer is, because “I don’t know” is just his way of hiding the truth from you as I’m certain he knows the reason.

She's ugly, she looks like his mother, he wants to watch Sports Center, he makes weird sex faces, his breath smells....

...the list could go on. Poor girl...

Another Week

I got a call today.

I have an interview with the SVP next week.

I REALLY want this job.

So those of you that have sent good wishes, thanks!

Now, don't change your socks, don't change any routines. Let's keep the luck going....

Flatulence Forces Plane to Land

You've got to be kidding me...

From Yahoo News:

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - It is considered polite to light a match after passing gas. Not while on a plane.

An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.

"It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up."

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

Prepare Three Envelopes

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street - responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

End the Year on a Good Note

It's been a hell of a year. In a good way, it really has.

It started with New Years in Vegas.

The end of my relationship with the Bipolic (both good and bad)

I bought my first car, on my own.

My company got bought out by the mothership.

My best friend found out she was pregnant.

She then had a miscarriage.

She then found out her husband was cheating on her.

I then lost my best friend (lost the friendship)

I then got a fantastic job that paid to move me to Atlanta with a huge salary increase with a great boss.

I found the house I want to buy.

I then found out soon that I would be losing my job, just wasn't sure when.

I then had my gallbladder removed.

And it was a few weeks later that I found out my last day on the job would be January 1st. (Well, actually, December 29th...which at this moment is 25 days, 19 hours, 2 minutes and 8 seconds.)

And now, I find myself more stressed out than ever. My luck has got to run out sometime right? I'm searching constantly for a new job. A job that I'll like, that can be long term, that is similar in pay and has room for growth.

So, I say it has been a good year because everything has worked out for the best for the most part. Each thing that I thought was going to be the end all-be all ended up being not as bad as I thought it was going to be or as bad as it could have been.

So, with the current situation, I am trying to have faith. Faith that it all work out for the best just as it has been. If it all works out, it'll be my own personal landfall. The company that I now truly hate paid to move me out here, gave me some decent experience, increased my salary, introduced me to some new friends and is giving me a decent severance package. If I can find a job right away and not have to use the severance money for it's intended purpose...that would be just great!

That would make my year!

So I am crossing my fingers that I will hear something soon on the job front. And that it'll be good. And we can keep this good streak going. Yes, I'll be a happy girl.

So, yes, it has been a good year. Let's just finish it off that way too!

Keys to Success

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss --and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the casual observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want you to DO work for THEM.

That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during the lunch hour. That way, you're regarded as hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you.

The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

Sleepin' Away

After throwing up at work yesterday, I went home early. I knew it couldn't be anything I ate as all I had was some fruit. I was scared of a stomach bug or stomach flu. Everyone in the office is sick. And I was actually forced to come into the office while sick.

I came home and took a phenegrin to get rid of the nausea and to keep me from throwing up again. Well, phenegrin knocks me out and by 4:30, I was passed out on the couch. I finally popped up at 7:30, and although was not tired, didn't feel like doing much of anything. I would doze off here and there and finally went upstairs to bed at about 2am.

I woke up at 6:30 to realize it was Saturday and I could sleep in. I woke up at 10:45 to realize I had a hair appointment in 15 minutes. So I did the mad rush to brush my hair, brush my teeth, throw on some clothes and run out the door.

So the whole point of this is that I cannot sleep away the weekend! There is stuff to be done and stuff that I have put off until the weekend to do.

So I'm off to make this a productive weekend!