Are You The Right Match For A Billionaire?

My dad bought a subscription to Money Magazine for both my sister and me.

It's a pretty easy read despite the sometimes difficult topic. However, today's has an article titled How to Marry a Billionaire. Of course, that's the page I turned to first. It is there I also find the following quiz:

Are You The Right Match For A Billionaire

1) What type of relationship are you looking for?

a. Friendship
b. Friendship with benefits
c. Marriage
d. Meal Ticket

2) Where do you go when you want a little snack?

a. My fridge for carrot sticks
b. McDonald's for fries
c. La Grenouille for quenelles of pike Lyonnaise
d. My room at the Georges V in Paris for beluga caviar (banned in the U.S.)

3) Where's your favorite place to shop?

a. Thrift store for vintage T-shirts
b. Mall of America for imitation vintage T-shirts
c. Prada Epicenter Store in L.A.
d. My living room when Zac Posen comes to fit me

4) What do you like to read?

a. Anything Oprah recommends
b. What the New Yorker recommends
c. Hedge Funds for Dummies
d. Real estate listings for villas on the Cote d'Azur

5) What's your ideal pet?

a. I am not into pets; they could ruin my Nain rug
b. Goldfish (gold-get it?)
c. A stable of Arabians
d. The wild Bactrian camel

6) What's your favorite physical activity?

a. Skiing in Gstaad (St. Moritz is just too crowded)
b. Eighteen holes at St. Andrews Golf Club
c. Weight lifting in my 2,000 square-foot home gym with Jamie, my personal trainer
d. Tantric yoga

7) What do you see as a perfect date?

a. A candlelight dinner on the terrace of a seaside restaurant
b. A baseball or football game
c. Lunch at the Four Seasons, followed by a stroll around Christie's or Sotheby's
d. A flight to New York City aboard a private jet to attend La Traviata

Answers Below...

Clueless

As I was growing up, my mom wasn't much of a girly girl. The idea of hair, make up or fashion were far from her mind.

Hence why I have a picture of me going to prom in hose and open toed shoes.

And why I thought blue eyeliner was cool.

I'm still a bit clueless in that department. Like walking into my training class, training for about an hour or so and noticing a seam down my arm. I felt behind my neck to find my tag sticking out.

Or like walking into a client meeting the other day and having my size sticker on the back of my shirt.

Or walking out with my hair and make-up done in my work shirt and my pj bottoms.

I think this is all evidence enough that the work day starts way to fricken early!

Pregnancy Scare Update

Two years ago, I wrote the following post about a girlfriend of mine from college.

I got an odd, panicky call tonight from a good friend of mine.

She got married almost a year ago and is quite naive to anything that has to deal with sex.

Well, she called me, panicking, because she was very "late" and had been throwing up. You would think this is the first sign of pregnancy....but not for this girl. She is allergic to everything, constantly nauseous....I don't think she's ever had a clean bill of normal health.

So, she was flipping out and was scared to take a pregnancy test. She actually asked if I would fly to visit her and and be there when she took the test because she didn't know what she was doing. As much as I would love to take a couple of days off of work to make fun of my friend peeing on a stick, I find that unrealistic and hella expensive!

She talked me into doing this over the phone. No, I'm not talking just talking her through it on the phone, I mean step by step doing it with her. After her negative response to my question of her sobriety, I agreed to do this with her. I figured it'd be great laughs, something to tell her kids in the future, and even blog about.

So, on the phone, we both drive to an Eckerds (had to be the same drug store) and go down the the feminine mile. She asks me which test to choose. The hell if I know!! I start reading the packages to see which ones you can use soonest and at any time, and we ended up choosing e.p.t Digital. I told her to buy the dual pack as I knew she would find a way to screw this up!

Still on the phone, we go to the cashier and purchase our experiment.

We get to our homes, I open the box and read the instructions as she is asking all these stupid questions. I ignore her questions and continue my reading until I hear, "I have to stick this inside me????"

Holy shit! No wonder she wanted someone to do this with her!

So I am walking her through my version of Pregnancy Tests for Dummies and she keeps repeating that she doesn't think she can do this. Meanwhile, I am freaking amazed by how advance these things have gotten, as this particular test looks like a digital themometer!

I will spare you the next 5 minutes of commentary.

All of a sudden, I hear a scream...."NOT PREGNANT!! I'M NOT PREGNANT!! IS THIS FOR REAL? IT SAYS I'M NOT PREGNANT! ARE WE SURE? SHOULD I DO THE NEXT ONE?"

Haha, I knew my chance to get her real good....

I remain silent. "S, are you there? Should I do it again?"

I do my best imitation of shock and tears (a scaled down version of shock and awe) "Fucking A! Oh no oh no oh no! Nooooooo! I.can't.be.pregnant!"

She starts to flip out with me and gets into the "I'll be there for you, we'll get through this, you'll be a great mom!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't keep it in any longer!

"Girl, I'm not pregnant....I couldn't get nailed in a hammer factory right now!"

And that is how you take care of a friend that is freaked out about being pregnant!

She emailed me today to say that she was "late" again and went to Eckerd to buy the same e.p.t digital. When taking the test, she said it reminded her that she needed to email me as we haven't talked in awhile.

Dear God, is she going to be "reminded" of me each time she has to take a pregnancy test? That is just odd on so many levels.

Banned from Disney?

If you like Denny's Saturday Boobage...

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Exceeds Capacity

How do you know when your brain has reached full capacity? I think I might be close.

Killer Karaoke

Man shot dead for bad singing in Philippine karaoke bar

MANILA (AFP) - A jobless man was shot dead by a security guard for singing out of tune in a Philippine karaoke bar, police said Thursday.

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Romy Baligula, 29, was halfway through his song on Tuesday night in a bar in San Mateo town, east of Manila, when 43-year-old security guard Robilito Ortega yelled that he was out of tune.

As Baligula ignored his comments and continued singing, Ortega pulled out his revolver and shot him in the chest.

Senior Superintendent Felipe Rojas said Baligula died instantly.

The security guard was detained by an off-duty policeman shortly after the shooting.

Deaths and violence are not uncommon in Philippine karaoke bars.

The popular Frank Sinatra song "My Way" has been taken off many karaoke bars in Manila after it was found to be the cause of fights and even deaths when patrons sang out of tune.

I guess American Idol won't be going to the Philippines.

Red Bull a Plenty

I can tell you one thing, a 1 day weekend is not long enough! I got home from Oklahoma last night. I was exhausted.

Today I ran errands and spent time with Kiki. It's now almost 11pm and I still have not washed clothes, cleaned house, showered or packed for my trip to Phoenix tomorrow.

I have to leave for the airport at 9am tomorrow. I am dreading this flight and this trip. The 4 hours to Phoenix on a packed flight is not the way I want to spend my Sunday. To top it off, I leave here at 11am but get to Phoenix at 12pm their time. Once I get there, I have to meet with our client at the Biltmore (okay, that part isn't so bad) and rehearse for a big production we are supposed to put on for this client. And I believe there is a client dinner Sunday evening as well. Ugh!

Throughout the week I will be in meetings and trainings, both facilitating and listening. And of course there will be client dinners in the evenings.

That's a problem. I need my time away from people to rejuvinate.

Thursday night is the gala and right afterward, I am jumping on the 11:30 red eye home to Atlanta, where I will arrive at 5:30am. I will then jump in the truck and drive 500 miles to North Carolina to attend my friend's daughter's graduation that evening. I'll spend the weekend there and leave early Sunday to drive home.

Please let there be enough Red Bull to get me through the next 7 days!

What Hell Might Be Like

I believe hell may consist of a Wal-Mart with 30 lanes, only 5 open with lines back to electronics and self-checkout stations with lines of people with carts of groceries that are obviously missing the barcode, along with a stack of coupons that must insist with the only person serving all 6 self-checkouts that the price of their 2 liter bottle of Dr. Thunder is wrong.

Tattoo Remover

Have a tattoo you'd like removed?

Childhood Injuries

A friend and I were walking out of the office today to the parking lot to leave to the Braves game where other co-workers were for tailgating and a great game.

As we came around the corner, a guy jumped out and struggled with her for her purse. I dove at his knees and tackled him to the ground while she grabbed her purse and beat the crap out of him.

Well, that's at least what I told everyone when I got to the game and everyone asked me about my knee.

What really happened....I couldn't remember where I parked (must be hereditary, huh Bou). So when I realized we were in the wrong aisle, I turned and immediately walked to the next aisle and walked right into one of those concrete parking stopper thingy's, tripped, fell forward, skinned my knee and toe nails and then rolled.

I laughed. She was worried and proceeded to go after everything that spilled out of my purse.

I got to thinking and I think the last time I skinned my knee must have been in junior high on my skateboard. Let me tell you, it is a more difficult fall as an adult.

And all I kept thinking today was to keep bending my knee as I remember my knee getting stiff when I was younger and it really sucking!

Storms

The past 3 days have been spent in Oklahoma running from storms. Six hours of driving a soccer mom van with 5 of us in it, in 2 days. In the pouring rain and tornado warnings. But we made it safely to each of our destinations.

However, we did arrive on Monday to OKC to some sad news. A woman that I have only talked to through email that develops training for our call centers died of a heart attack on Friday. One of the girls on our trip talked with her on a daily basis. Andrea was 36.

We all were a little surprised by the news as well as seeing Tropical Storm Andrea on the coast of Georgia today. Just a bit odd.

The next storm name is Barry. Oh boy, do I have some stories about Barry. Barry has done enough damage....let him dissipate off shore.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever left the house and come home to realize you left the candle burning?

Have you ever taken the keys out of the ignition while your car was still in drive?

Have you ever parked in your garage, grabbed all of your bags, gone inside, and realized that you left the car running?

Have you ever done all of these in the same day?

I think I left my brain in Pensacola.

Here Comes the....

Imagine standing on the beach at sunset amongst 100 others that have all traveled to celebrate a joyous day. Imagine awing over how great everyone looks, sharing stories about the bride and the groom, and talking about your own wedding, either in past or future tense.

Imagine hearing the bagpipes play as you anxiously await for each person to walk onto the sand and to join those of us waiting. And then knowing that next is Bou to walk down, and then Morrigan.

And instead of seeing one of these two lovely ladies, you see....the Wedding Crasher!

A man in denim shorts and baggy shirt, holding a 6 pack in one hand and a beer in the other, stumbling down the "aisle". As he approaches the sand, he takes a look at what's going on, and slowly makes his way back up the aisle.

Suicide Squirrels

The other day I turned into my complex to find a dead squirrel in the middle of the road and another squirrel standing there starring at it, sad. I slowed down as I approached the squirrel in mourning, and he wouldn't move.

I slowing rolled toward him, and he wouldn't move.

Finally, I had to stop right in front of the street funeral because this damn squirrel would not leave his fellow squirrel's side.

I backed up, and got as far to the right as I could as not to disturb the moment; or get squirrel guts on my car.

Since then, I have turned into my complex many other times and there have been two other instances where a squirrel jets into the middle of the road as I approach the spot of the vehicular squirrel slaughter. If the squirrels could make a little cross with flowers and a picture to put there, I'm sure they would.

This morning, I almost ran over one of them. For a moment, I thought I did and actually had to stop, open my door and check to see if I had.

I'm not quite sure why the squirrels in my complex aren't happy. But they need to stop running out in front of my car!

I Would Just Like to Say...

If you can't park it....

...don't drive it!

Travel Woes

I was sitting in the Atlanta Airport Wednesday, about 15 minutes before our scheduled time to board our flight. The plane had already arrived, passengers had already exited the plane when one of the employees gets on the intercom and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen! Flight ### to Milwaukee has a 30 minute delay. Mechanics are working on the hydraulics and will let us know when the plane is ready for flying"

You know what, just tell me there is a delay. I don't need to know why. I consider any type of mechanical issue with the plane too much information. I am not knowledgeable enough on the mechanics of planes to not jump to crazy scenarios and conclusions.

30 minutes later, we hear the same message, except this time, he says it's an additional 30 minute delay, or longer. However, he does say that if we didn't check any bags, we can go all the way to the other end of the terminal and catch a different flight to Milwaukee that is currently boarding. I took it. Not to get to Milwaukee quicker, but if given a choice between a plane that has just had issues and is being worked on, and one that has not (as far as I knew)....my decision is obvious.

I also made a rookie mistake on my trip to Milwaukee. The weather in Atlanta has been in the 70's. I packed 70's weather business clothes for my trip.

Anyone want to take a guess on what the temperature was like in Milwaukee last Wednesday and Thursday?

Not 70's! 40's and 50's. Windy. I'm not too bright sometimes!

Chigarid

FYI...

The score is now 5 to 3. And they are chigger bites, not mosquito bites.

Also, don't waste the $6.99 on Chigarid. Although it works, it's basically clear fingernail polish.

Spring

As pretty as spring time is, and as great as it is that the temperature is not freaking freezing anymore, I think there are a few things that area already driving some people crazy.

Such as the the necessity of Off.

Or the pollen covered car contest that Napster is running.

I think I'm going to have a contest of my own, all by myself. Which side of my body to mosquitos like more; the left, or the right.

So far, the left is winning 3-1. This is only from about 2 hours outside last night. It's going to be a loooong Spring/Summer season!

Poor Memory

Have you ever thought of something to blog about and thought to yourself, "I should write that down or email that to myself. Ah, I'll remember it."

And then come home and realize you thought of 3-4 things to write about and can't remember even one of them?

Yea...just wondering...

Fun with Cats

Time to grab the neighbor's cat and take up art! Photos below the fold...

The email book these came from said some of the paint jobs cost $15,000 and had to be repeated every 3 months as the cat's hair grows out. Must be nice to have $60,000 a year just to keep your
cat painted!

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Cube Intruder Strikes Again

The Cube Intruder has caught the hint. Well, just about.

Now, instead of waiting until I leave to take my Treo off the charger and taking the charger to his desk, he waits until I leave to take my Treo off the charger and put his on, at my desk. So I get to hear his phone go off throughout the day.

However, he did share his Gummy Techno Bears (from World Market).

I'm thinking of writing a book of cube etiquette....'cause I have many more cube assholes on my floor!

Cube Intruder

When starting at my new company 2 months ago, I was issued my electronic leash, the Treo.

As much as I hate having to carry one around, it is needed. And the have installed it with a pretty cool program, Good Link that is constantly connected to email, calendar, contacts, intranet, etc.

In addition to Good Link, I have installed an Instant Messenger so I can entertain myself during conference calls.

So, my battery runs down constantly. So I have this thing constantly plugged in at my desk.

Well, about a week ago I came into work to find my charger gone. I check with the two girls that I am friends with that sit next to me and they didn't grab it. After awhile, I'm starting to get pissed - one because I need to charge my damn phone and two because someone is an ass and thinks it's cool to just swipe stuff off people's desks.

Finally, one of the girls next to me yells back 3 cubes to her boss to see if he swiped my charger. He says, "Yea, I have it" like it was no big deal. Now, I've probably said less than 10 words to him since I started. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't know my name. But he found it okay to swipe my charger. And didn't return it right away, apologize, thank me, or anything. A few hours later, I found it back on my desk.

Since then, I have locked the charger up when I leave for the day.

Yesterday, I was at my desk all day. I left for just a couple of minutes just to run to the restroom. I came back, and my treo had been taken off my charger, and the charger was gone. I about flipped my lid right then.

Well, the girls were gone, so there was only one suspected culprit, the same guy as last time.

So I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

He walked by my desk a couple of times, and said nothing.

Finally, toward the end of the day, he is talking to the guy that sits next to me and I finally speak up, "Hey John. Do you have my charger?"

He laughs and said he does and that he meant to tell me he grabbed it. I told him I needed it to take it home and he said okay. He goes back to his desk; I wait an hour, and still nothing.

I finally go to him, and tell him that I'm leaving for the day and need my charger. He laughs and says he needs to get the admin to order him one.

This guy is weird in general. But it pissed me off that someone had the balls to invade my space and take something without leaving a note or letting me know when I return. I had my iPod out on my desk along with my digital picture frame. Next thing, they will be gone too. Fucker!

Grand Canyon Skywalk

Get ready to see the Grand Canyon in a whole new way. The Skywalk, a horseshoe-shaped glass walkway, will offer you a straight-down view from more than 4,000 feet above the Grand Canyon floor. The Skywalk will extend 70 feet from the canyon rim.

The Skywalk is located in an area owned and operated by the Hualapai Tribe. It is set to open to the public on March 28th.

Entrance to The Skywalk will cost $25 per person, in addition to the cost of a Grand Canyon West entrance package. Admittance is first come, first serve for walk up visitors, but people will be allowed to make reservations. A total of 120 people will be allowed on the bridge at one time.

For more information on The Skywalk, go to http://www.grandcanyonskywalk.com.

Would you do it?

TMNT

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have a movie coming out.

Are they seriously back in again? I watched the cartoon, had the movie, had the video game as well as the figurines. That was like 20 years ago. And they are back?

I just thought it was funny to see a TMNT movie preview.

24 Drinking Game

I found this at Grouchy Old Cripple. I wish I would have known about this a month ago when I started catching up on all the seasons.

It's a Drinking Game while watching 24. Go check it out.

I just spent the last month watching every season of 24. I have 8 hours left of season 5. Damn, I wish I would have known about this game sooner!

Morrigan and Bou....it looks like there is something to add to our Monday night tradition ;-)

24 Moles

I'm watching the 5th season of 24. After this, I will be all caught up.

It's a great show. It's had me on edge since beginning season 1.

But I must tell you, I am sick and tired of their being a mole in CTU in every freaking season.

It just doesn't make sense. You would think after the first several times, they would have figured out how to screen people, how to eliminate cell phones at the door, how to monitor what people do inside. I just don't get it!!

Fit Handyman

Craigslist has become one of my new addictions. I have bought and sold stuff with ease.

They have an area you can look for services. I was looking for someone that could fix the piss poor paint job I did in the kitchen (TIP: Don't paint when you are drunk).

While searching, I came across the following ad:

wht 49 y/o fit clean handyman can help you out. Alittle Plumbing. Alittle Electrical. Alittle Woodworking.

Even alittle of you.

If it needs fixing or servicing let me know. I can take care of most any issue you have.

In your e-mail to me type in the subject line Handyman. Also give me an idea as to what you need done.

Wow, what a deal.

"Hello there. I have about a weekend's worth of work that needs to be done. Oh, and I also need a lightbulb changed. What are your rates?"

Too funny!

24

I am on 24 overtime. While watching the sixth season, I have also been watching the 1st and 2nd season...onto the 3rd this week.

I have found two things funny about this whole thing...

First, it makes me paranoid. I was working out the other morning and was watching music videos. There was a scene of a guy that was bringing flowers to his girlfriend's house. They show the girlfriend opening the door, then the camera turns to the view from the door, looking at the boyfriend. In the background, I see a white, unmarked van drive by and stop in front of the house. In the back of my head, I'm thinking, "Oh shit, they're going to kill him."

Yea, paranoid.

Secondly, I found thissite on my friend's MySpace page. It's a MySpace profile for Jack Bauer and has as his "friends" profiles for all the characters. It's quite funny.

What I found most funny, in the profile, under income it says $100,000-$150,000.

Damn, that just sucks!

Not Your Hallmark Holiday

I have noticed an increase of KY Jelly commercials in the past week or so. The most recent is KY Jelly - Intrigue, The longest lasting lubricant, suggesting it as an idea for Valentine's Day.

I have given KY as a gift before. A PRANK gift. So, if on Valentine's Day, I received KY from someone I was seeing, I would not be able to keep a straight face. Not sure that's the gift to say, "I love you."

I suppose Valentine's Day is not just a Hallmark holiday anymore.

Burning Calories

I've been using this site Calorie Counter to track my calorie intake and expenditure. It's very cool. You can either look up foods or enter nutritional information for food (such as calories, fat, fiber, cholesterol, etc). It grades the food you intake (A through F) and it grades you for the day. It also tracks your weight each time you enter it into the system. There is also a toolbar you can download that gives you quick access to their site, allows you to search for foods, and gives you a visual "eat meter" to show you how you are doing for the day.

I'm having a lot of fun with this site. The most fun is the different activities that are listed and how many calories they burn.

Such as:

Sexual Activity, Passive - Light Effort, Kissing, Hugging - 108 calories an hour

Sexual Activity, General - Moderate Effort - 140 calories an hour

Sexual Activity, Active - Vigorous Effort- 162 calories an hour

Quiet Standing Quietly (Standing in a Line) - 130 calories an hour

Quiet Sitting Quietly and Watching Television - 108 calories an hour

Cooking Indian Bread On An Outside Stove - 325 calories an hour

Playing a woodwind - 218 calories an hour

Sitting in Meetings - 162 calories an hour

Sitting on the toilet - 108 calories an hour

Driving - 216 calories an hour

Walking to and from an Outhouse - 271 calories an hour

Knitting or Wrapping Presents - 162 calories an hour

Butchering Animals - 650 calories and hour

So there you go....

Dog Beer

Will this be Contagion's next beer review?

From ABC News.

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands Jan 24, 2007 (AP)— After a long day hunting, there's nothing like wrapping your paw around a cold bottle of beer. So Terrie Berenden, a pet shop owner in the southern Dutch town of Zelhem, created a beer for her Weimaraners made from beef extract and malt.

"Once a year we go to Austria to hunt with our dogs, and at the end of the day we sit on the verandah and drink a beer. So we thought, my dog also has earned it," she said.

Berenden consigned a local brewery to make and bottle the nonalcoholic beer, branded as Kwispelbier. It was introduced to the market last week and advertised it as "a beer for your best friend."

"Kwispel" is the Dutch word for wagging a tail.

The beer is fit for human consumption, Berenden said. But at euro1.65 ($2.14) a bottle, it's about four times more expensive than a Heineken.

Klepto Creature

I wonder if the same creature that steals socks out of the dryer is the one that steals the lids to my tupperware?

No TV For You

Has anyone not seen or at least heard of the Seinfeld scene about the "Soup Nazi?"

I mean, I don't even watch Seinfeld and I know about this scene!

While heading out to lunch today, we were discussing something, and someone said "No ______ for you” I can't even remember what the actual topic was. But anyway, at that point, I asked if they were the "_____ nazi" The girl that had made statement cracked up...understanding where that came from.

The other girl with us gave me the meanest look ever. Now, I'm pretty certain she's not of any religion that would take a deep personal offense to that statement, and even so....the guy that was with us was Jewish and he laughed.

I immediately attempted to explain myself, asking her if she had ever seen the episode. She said no, she never watched the show. I said, still, you have to know of this scene. It's like one of the top 100 scenes from television. She had no clue.

Now, this girl is extremely smart. She's really into fashion, culture, fitness, etc. However, when it came to television or music, naive isn't the word to describe her.

I don't think she was mad, I think it caught her off guard. Throughout lunch we had a good time, laughed and what not. I just find it extremely funny that she has no idea what we were talking about.

So tell me, are there people, despite how little TV they watch, that don't know of some of the top scenes in television?

Funny Shit

Got this via email, thought it was pretty funny...

------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day before, the girl asked me to "Cook her something she's never had before" for dinner. After many minutes of scratching my head over what to make, I finally settled on something she has DEFINITELY never eaten. I got out my trusty case of military MREs... Meal, Ready-to-Eat. Field rations that, when eaten in their entirety, contain 3000+ calories.

Here's what I made: I took three of the Ham Slices out of their plastic packets, took out three of the Pork Chops, three packets of Chicken-a-la-King, and eight packets of dehydrated butter noodles and some dehydrated/rehydrated rice. I cooked the Ham Slices and Pork Chops in one pan, sautéed in shaved garlic and olive oil.

In another pot, I blended the Chicken a-la-king, noodles, and rice together to make a sort of mush that looked suspiciously like succotash. I added some spices, and blended everything together in a glass pan that I then cooked in the oven for about 35 minutes at 450 degrees. When I took it out, it looked like, well, ham slices, pork chops, and a bed of yellow poop. I covered the tops of the meat with the MRE cheese (Kind of like Velveeta) and added some green sprinkly thingies from one of my spice cans (hey, if it's got green sprinkly thingies on it, it looks fancy right?)

For dessert, I took four MRE Pound Cakes, mashed 'em up, added five packets of cocoa powder, powdered coffee cream, and some water. I heated it up and stirred it until it looked like a sort of chunky gelatinous organism, and I sprinkled powdered sugar on top of it. Voila --- Ranger Pudding.

For alcoholic drinks, I took the rest of my bottle of Military Special Vodka (yes, they DO make a type of liquor named "Military Special"--it sells for $4.35 per fifth at the Class Six ) and mixed in four packets of "Electrolytes - 1 each - Cherry flavored" (I swear, the packet says that). It looked like an eerie kool-aid with sparkles in it (that was the electrolytes I guess... could've been leftover sand from Egypt).

I lit two candles, put a vase of wildflowers in the middle, and set the table with my best set of Ralph Lauren Academy-series China (that shit is EXPENSIVE... my set of 8 place settings cost me over $600 on sale at the Camp Lejeune PX ), and put the alcoholic rink in a crystal wine decanter. She came over, and I had some appetizers already made of MRE spaghetti-with-meatballs set in small cups.

She saw the dinner, saw the food, and said "This looks INCREDIBLE!!!" We dug in, and she was loving the food. Throughout the meal, she kept asking me how long it took me to make it, and kept remarking that I obviously knew a thing or two about cooking fine meals. She kind of balked at the makeshift "wine" I had set out, but after she tried it I guess she liked it because she drank four glasses during dinner.

At the end of the main course, when I served the dessert, she squealed with delight at the "Chocolate mousse" I had made. Huh? Chocolate what? Okay... yeah... it's Chocolate Moose. Took me HOURS to make... yup.

Later on, as we were watching a movie, she excused herself to use my restroom. While she was in there, I heard her say softly to herself "uh oh" and a resounding but petite fart punctuated her utterance of dismay. Let the games begin. She sprayed about half a can of air freshener (Air Freshener, 1 each, Orange scent. Yup. The military even makes smellgood) and returned to the couch, this time with an obvious pained look.

After 10 more minutes she excused herself again, and retreated to the bathroom for the second time, I could hear her say "What the hell is WRONG with me???" as she again sent flatulent shockwaves into the porcelain bowl. This time, they sounded kinda wet, and I heard the toilet paper roll being employed, and again, LOTS more air freshener.

Back to the couch. She smiles meekly as she decides to sit on the chair instead of next to me. She sits on my chair, knees pulled up to her chest, kind of rocking back and forth slightly.

Suddenly, without a word, she ROCKETED up and FLEW to the bathroom, slammed the door, and didn't come out for 30 minutes. I turned the movie up because I didn't want her to hear me laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks.

She came out with a slightly gray pallor to her face, and said "I am SOOOOOO sorry. I have NO idea what is wrong with me. I am so embarrassed, I can't believe I keep running to your bathroom!!" I gave her an Imodium AD, and she finally settled down and relaxed.

Later on, she asked me again what I had made for dinner, because she had enjoyed it so much. I calmly took her into the kitchen and showed her all the used MRE bags and packets in the trash can. After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000 calories of "Marine Corps Field Rations" she turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and said "I ate 9,000 calories of dehydrated food that was made 3 years ago?"

After I concurred, she grabbed her coat and keys, and took off without a word. She called me yesterday. Seems she didn't have a bowel movement for 5 days, and when she finally did, the smell was so bad, her roommate could smell it from down the hall. She also told me she had been working out nonstop to combat the high caloric intake, and that she never wanted me to cook dinner for her again, unless she was PERSONALLY there to inspect the food beforehand.

It was a fun date. She laughed about it eventually and said that was the first time she'd ever crapped at guy's house on a date. She'd been so upset by it she was in tears in the bathroom while I had been in tears on> the couch. I know ... I'm an Asshole, but it was still a funny night.

Girl Scout Marketing

It's that time again. Girl Scout Cookie Time.

My sister is already hitting me up! As well as all my friends. Hey, my stepmom is even going to deliver them to Atlanta for the ones that order from me. Now that's some service ;-)

So anyway...Lil sis made the following. A future in marketing?

Tequila Furniture

After much searching (and by much, I mean months of searching within a 350 mile radius) for a hutch for my dining room, I found one at World Market. It was a little more than I wanted to pay...until a coupon came out for 40% off 1 item.

Well, this particular piece of furniture comes in 2 separate pieces. So, I brought one coupon to one World Market to buy the bottom part. Then I brought another coupon to a different World Market and bought the top part.

Each piece was about 150 lbs, boxed. I somehow slid the pieces out of my truck and finagled them into the house. I opened them up downstairs, scooted, flopped and turned to get it to the stairs and then took about 30 minutes each trying to push them up the stairs. It probably wasn't the smartest idea. There were a few times I thought for sure the piece was going to push me back down the stairs.

However, while pushing these large pieces of wood up the stairs, my face was buried into them.....and I thought for sure I was going to hurl on the stairs. The wood reeked of tequila. I thought for sure the wood was made of tequila some how. Just the slight smell of it brought me back to New Years, and ramming my head into the car door via the fire hydrant. It was like seeing the drunkest parts of my life flash before my eyes.

I'm not sure how to get the smell out. I'm sure I need to wipe the thing down with something. Otherwise, every time I walk past the thing....I'm going to have terrible flashbacks!

Foot Cheese

Last year, for my birthday, Morrigan, Bou and her boys and I had a little fondue party. It was also my first time having fondue.

I saved room for the chocolate fondue. The cheese fondue didn't do it much for me. Too much of a wine taste for me.

Well, as an appetizer last night, Napster wanted to fix up some cheese fondue with her new, nifty fondue maker. I told her about the wine incident and she only used half of what the recipe called for.

And I still couldn't do it. Spurs showed me the expensive cheese the stuff is made with, and it smelled like feet. I tried a couple of bites, and it still wasn't appetizing. Spurs agreed with me, so we tried to "fix it".

So, after throwing in 4 slices of Kraft Singles, some Julio's seasoning and some salsa.....it still tasted like foot cheese!

There's a recipe in the book for monterey jack and cheddar. That's the kind I will be making with the fondue maker I got for Christmas (which seemed to be a hot item this Christmas). I will be making the poor girl's, ghetto fondue!

From Experience

Hey Spurs!

Does dog shampoo burn your scalp?

Just wonderin'

Wii

I have broken down and purchased a Wii....

It's SO worth it!

I don't care how fancy or good the graphics are on an XBox or Playstation 19, the Wii is FUN!

I brought it straight to my family's house where we stayed up until 2am playing tennis, baseball, bowling, golf and boxing. I am freaking sore. It's just sad. But we all were! It still didn't keep us from playing it again the next day.

I then brought it to Spurs and Napster's place where we did the same. We tried a few of the other games that I have purchased. Napster's specialty seems to be Monkey Ball.

I've been surprised with how accurate the system picks up movements with the wireless controller. Hell, it even picks up my bad curves when bowling!

I haven't had the opportunity to really sit down with it at home and play with all the in's and out's. However, two of the things I'm really looking forward to is the fact that it plays Gamecube games (which are pretty cheap, and fun) and that you can go online with this thing and buy old games such as Mario Brothers and Donkey Kong.

So, if anyone has been interested...it is well worth the $250! (go ahead and pick up the extra controllers and nunchucks if you see them....you'll need them!)

Now excuse me while I go beat the crap out of Spurs in boxing! ;-)

He Will Only Do It Doggy Style -- Help?!

Blogmom Bou and I had the following coversation this morning on messenger:

Bou: Some sexpert for the elderly named Sue Johanson is showing up on my msn flicker.

Sissy: Actually...she's not for the elderly. A lot of young people call her, it's quite funny.

Bou: Wow. She's like that troll woman used to be...I can't remember her name....Dr. Ruth!

The conversation went on about how old Dr. Ruth is (she was born in 1928) and how nothing was ever off limits or "bad" to her. As we dug deeper, we found that Dr. Ruth has a website.

One of the questions:

My Boyfriend of 5 years, always wants to have sex doggie style. we did for about 5-6 months. I got tired of it. I want him to make love to me. I’ll ask him why he won't and his answer is “I don't know.” Now we haven't had sex for about a month because I refuse to unless he makes love to me. It seems to me he’d rather not have sex at all. Can you please help me? It’s driving me nuts.

Dr. Ruth's Answer:

I can’t tell you what’s going through his mind, but I could take a guess. Perhaps he’s gay, but can’t admit it to anyone, and having sex this way allows him to fantasize that he’s having sex with a man rather than with a woman. That’s not the only explanation. It could be that he failed, i.e. lost his erection, having sex in other positions and now he’s afraid to try other positions again in case he’d have another failure. Or maybe he has stronger orgasms in this position. Or maybe you have bad breath and he can’t get up the courage to tell you. As you can see, my first guess isn’t the only possibility, but it’s still my number one choice. Are there any other signs of this? Is there any x-rated material on your computer that is linked to male sites? Gay magazines hidden in his closet? Since you’ve invested five years together, you definitely need to get to the bottom of this. I would recommend that you see a sex therapist. If he goes along, great, if not, you’ll get some help anyway. He’s never going to not prefer this position, but perhaps with the right help, he’d agree to make love to you the way you want to, and then perhaps finish off with sex in his favorite position. Or to some other compromise. But you do need to find out what his answer is, because “I don’t know” is just his way of hiding the truth from you as I’m certain he knows the reason.

She's ugly, she looks like his mother, he wants to watch Sports Center, he makes weird sex faces, his breath smells....

...the list could go on. Poor girl...

Car Wash

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. My car needed washing again. I went to the car wash downtown and had to have them re-wash the car three times. They kept missing spots.....so if you don't hear from me for a week or so, you'll know where I'm at.

Off to the car wash!

« Hide "Car Wash"

Redneck Mole Killer

My mom is into her yard work. She loves to plant, garden, all of that stuff.

She has been introduced to the southern mole in South Carolina. They tear up the yard, yank out her plants, and are a general nuisance.

Finally, she reverted to playing her own live game of Mole Killer with this...

This has been responsible for the death of 8 moles.

However, mom was ready for something stronger, more deadly. So, she asked my uncle to make her one.

He put one together, sent it via UPS.

Here is her new weapon of choice.

All I can say is...

REDNECK!

Exit Strategy

Ever been fired? Laid Off? Left a job because you were miserable, mistreated, underpaid, undervalued?

Go get some ideas from Spurs & Napster on your "exit strategy". Share your own ideas!

Chunky

When i was recovering from surgery, Morrigan did a little low fat/no fat grocery shopping for me. She is one of the only people that can have fun doing low fat/no fat grocery shopping.

She also happens to know my picky eating habits. So it was a quest of low fat/no fat food that Sissy would actually eat.

She did happen to get one of my favorites. Apple sauce. Even my favorite brand, White House.

So, today, I take one out for dessert. I start eating it, and it taste great, as usual. And then, I taste paper. Paper in the apple sauce. I pull the paper out of my mouth to see that it's not paper, but an apple peel. Huh! Never seen that before.

I keep eating. And then find 2 seeds. Just strange.

Until I look at the cover of the container and see "chunky" apple sauce. Chunky? I've never heard of chunky apple sauce.

I've come to the conclusion that chunky = lazy. As in too lazy to peel the apple and pick out the seeds.

Who knows...maybe the chunky apple sauce is less fat then the non-chunky.

Panda Addiction

You can thank Morrigan for this. An addiction to the Atlanta Zoo Panda Cam. It's like animal reality tv.

I'm dying to see this panda for real though. I love going to the zoo and taking pictures. Some of my favorite pictures I've taken have come from my trip to the zoo in Columbia, SC.

So, in the interest of trying to keep busy, I'm going to attempt to make it to the zoo next weekend. I would have gone today if some certain bloggers didn't have me out until 1am. But hey, it was worth it.

Panic! The 80's Are Coming Back!

The concert last night was awesome. A great "theatrical" show.

We were probably the oldest ones there that weren't there as a chaperone.

As we walked in, I headed straight to the margarita stand that happen to be sponsored by a local band boosters.

I go up to order my margarita while Morrigan heads to a different stand for beer. The lady cards me, I dig out my license and she says, "wow, you one of the older ones here."

Haha, my response?

"Well, you should talk to my friend over there getting a beer."

During the concert, they played Killer Queen by Queen and Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles. Um, yea....Morrigan and I were about the only ones singing along. The kids had no idea what they were listening too.

We were also frightened to discover that the 80's are back and with a vengeance. Seriously, girls, think of the worst 80's outfit you wore or saw back then, and it was at this concert. It was frightening.

Oh, the nice thing was all these guys had a curfew; the concert was out by 9:30. So, we headed straight for the bar. Back to the land of no wristbands, Journey on the jukebox, and straight leg jeans.

It was a good time.

How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To The Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Pop?

After a failed attempt to get in my truck and go to the grocery store, Morrigan was kind enough to make a trip for me. She produced different fun varieties of fat free food!

One of the fun foods she brought....Tootsie Pops.

So after a Vegetable Beef Soup and crackers dinner, I figured I had the time to answer the age old question, "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?" Between that and the drugs...could be fun.

(A little trivia, the 70's commercial with the Owl is the longest running commercial of all time)

As I opened the Tootsie Pop, I found myself looking at the wrapper for the star. Does anyone else remember the old myth about the star on the Tootsie Pop wrapper? If you got a wrapper with a star on it, you got a free Tootsie Pop.

Mine had one, and I had to laugh.

I checked and there was never such a promotion. 30% of the wrappers have said star and the rumor has been going since the 30's.

Thank you for your interest in our Tootsie Pop wrappers. We are pleased to have an opportunity to tell the true story about our Tootsie Pop wrappers.
Many years ago, a rumor surfaced that said if the wrapper of a Tootsie Pop with a star was found and returned to the company, a free Tootsie Pop, or any number of things would be sent to the lucky person. We truly don't know why or where this rumor started, as our records do not indicate that our company ever sponsored any type of promotion surrounding images on the wrapper.
We hope we have been able to clarify this matter for you and we thank you for contacting us.

Picture Contest

What do you think this is?

A Gift for my Blog Mom

A Lexus that parallel parks on it's own for my blog mom Bou who has freely admitted her issues with reverse and parallel marking.

At the touch of a button, the available Advanced Parking Guidance System [1] can parallel park the LS or back into a parking space (not shown) with just a little brake work by the driver. First, position the LS in front of the parking space, then use the navigation screen to select the parallel park icon. After pressing the OK button on the screen, simply remove your hands from the steering wheel and regulate the vehicle’s speed by using the brake. [2]

Those IT Guys Can't Handle Their Booze!

One of my discussion questions in class this week was:

What are some of the personality traits that IT personnel are said to
possess?

Some of the answers are accurate, some funny, and some odd...

I've known several IT personnel in my day. They are thinkers. They like to know everything and have a tendency to get frustrated when they don't know it. They have patience only when figuring something out, a low alcohol tolerance, and a hard time with the opposite sex. (personal experience only) Many IT personnel are open, kind and helpful when it comes to them showing off their expertise and will deny not knowing what they are doing until they have figured it out.

One of the many reasons I'm so ready to be done with school.

Oh, and by the way, the class is Human Factors in Technology 401.

Three $2 Bills

On the subject of dreams and theories....I had an odd one last night/this morning.

I was somewhere...maybe a store, a gas station, I dunno. But someone was giving me change for a purchase and gave me 3 $2 bills. They placed them on the counter and pushed them over to me almost as if they were trying to be descrete.

I looked for meaning in the dream dictionary and had no luck in deciphering the message.

License Plate Contest Results

Everyone had some great ideas for the License Plate Contest and now I can't decide what I want!

So view the extended entry for all of the submissions and leave your favorite in the comments.

Here were the submissions:

Spurs:

CalTechGirl:

Napster

T1G

Eric:

My Dad:

« Hide "License Plate Contest Results"

Home Remedies

The latest mosquito chigger bite count? 37....yep, 37 (gave up count) more than 40 red, dry, itchy bites...mainly on my legs. It's completely miserable.

The only relief is Asorbine Jr...but that only last for a couple of hours and makes them more dry.

My friend told me to put lemon on them. But hell, she puts lemon on everything.

So, I'm asking for any home remedies you all might have for being attacked by a large family of mosquitoschiggers!

Screening Customers

Most people screen calls, but I have to screen customers!

I don't mind coming out of my office to take care of a customer at all. But I have to watch out for the ones that just like to chat with me or ask for me just because I'm the manager and they want the hook up.

Today, one my employees came into my office and the following conversation took place:

Employee: "Jay is here to see you."

Me: "Did he ask for me by name or the manager?"

Employee: "He asked for you. He said he hasn't seen you in a really long time."

I couldn't think of Jay that I knew...I don't know many people here.

Me: "What does he look like?"

Employee: "He came up on a motorcycle and is wearing a backpack like he just got out of school. He's white, a little chubby, young."

Me: "What color hair?"

Employee: "Short black hair."

Me: "Are you sure his name isn't Steve?" (Steve being the only guy that I know that hasn't seen me in a long time, with short black hair and rides a motorcycle)

Employee: "Nope, Jay"

Me: "Geez, I don't mind helping him if he's a customer but I'm afraid I'm supposed to know him and I can't think of who he might be."

While I'm wondering when the last time I went out and was drunk....it hasn't been any time recent.

I then ask my assistant manager to go out there and see if she knows who it is. She jokes that she's going to pretend to talk on her phone and take a picture of him and makes her way out there.

Asst: "Employee must need glasses. This guy is in his 30's and Mexican."

Me: "Ooohhhh, that's the DJ at the bar I go to!"

So I go out there where he gives me a hug and asks if I have an extra headset for his phone as he vacuumed his up. He asked why I hadn't been at the bar for a while and when I was coming to see him. I told him I was moving in a week, and he made me promise to come by before I leave.

I told him it'd have to wait until next week as this weekend was tight. That's when he said, "Girl, you know you don't have to worry about drinks when I'm there!"

Damn! I would have been there a lot more if I knew that!! My weekend is looking up!

So needless to say, I have an employee who needs some serious vision correction and a hook up I've been wasting the past several months!

My 17 Kids

I love my team, I really do! But I swear I am raising children!

Out of 17 employees, all but 2 are under the age of 24. The other 2 are around 26.

I've had to laugh at myself lately as I have had to get creative in getting them to listen.

The break room has been a horrific mess. There was food on the floor and on the wall. Wrappers and containers everywhere, loads and loads of cups, etc.

I asked the cleaning crew to grab every cup and put it in a trash bag in my office. They had 48 hours to collect their cups and then they went in the dumpster!

Oh, and if I caught the break room like that again, it was off limits.

Not 2 days later, did someone leave their Jack in the Box food out. I promptly threw it away, turned the break room table upside down, as well as the chairs. They went the weekend without a break room.

The break room has been clean ever since!

I have also been fighting with them on sitting down while with a customer. In the days that I was a rep, I would work open to close, 6 days a week (I was an overtime hog) without a seat. These guys complain about standing for an hour. I give them plenty of breaks, but I constantly see a chair mysteriously wind up at their POS stations.

Today, I had enough. I promptly propped open the back door, asked my technician if he needed to release some aggression, and we took all the chairs but 2 and went outside and threw them in the dumpster. The 2 we kept are for one employee that is pregnant and for a customer if needed.

Wearing their name tag is the next thing I'm battling. I'm thinking of making a name tag that has this really awful name or something that they have to wear when they forget theirs.

No wonder I don't want children...I'm frickin' raising 17 of them!

Didn't Know Wal-Mart Sold THOSE Toys

I lost a bet and had to go to Wal-Mart the other day.

I was roaming the toy aisles for two reasons: my friend just had a baby and I have a training class coming up and need supplies!

As I was roaming through the game aisle, this caught my eye and made me wonder for a second if I was in the right place:

A little obscene for a toy aisle don't ya think?

I couldn't help but giggle, alone in the game aisle. See what the Bad Example Family does to you!?!!

And for a better picture of what the toy really is, see below:

It's a Plug in Play *giggle* Dora the Explorer Joystick *giggle* to play Dora the Explorer Video Games on the TV.

If I wouldn't have known any better, I would have thought I was looking through a novelty magazine!

Then I thought, hmmm....does someone actually sell what I thought I saw??? I may have found my golden egg!

Was That Part of the Job Description?

I have had to drive to Phoenix about twice a month for the past few months for meeting.

6 Hours round trip!

Thursday morning, I woke up at 5:30am to hit the road by 6am. The events started at 9:30am.

The fore casted weather for the day? Clear, Sunny and 108 degrees!!

On the agenda? 6 hours of Elementary Field Day like games with 60 other managers.

I like team builders, and I like being active. Not necessarily in 100+ degree weather though.

The director of my area says, "Sissy, this must be a vacation for you from Yuma."

My reply, "Well, it would be except I don't do this kind of shit in Yuma!"

There's nothing like being drenched in sweat, covered in sand, not being able to get a brush through your hair, sunburned, thirsty and covered in water balloons on a 3 hour drive home.

Evolution of Dance

You must see this video....to freaking funny!

How many of these dances do you admit to have done sometime in your past? ( won't ask you to admit if you presently do them!)

The Freak Show

I have noticed that my patience with people is slowly deteriorating. Sometimes, I'm among the public and find myself seriously wanting to ask others what their problem is. This isn't like me...or at least it wasn't.

Today, I was doing a little shopping at Target. As I was grabbing some bottled water, there was a man, probably in his late thirties/early forties, with a cart full of crap groceries. I noticed him munching loudly on something and looked over to see him eating a bag of chips while shopping. A big bag, not paid for.

Then I hear singing. I change aisles to see a guy, in his early twenties, rapping...badly. He had his iPod on and was rapping like he was in his car or in the shower. No shame. And it wasn't quiet. I moved over a couple of aisles and could still hear him.

And as I was escaping, I was on one of the main pathways and saw a girl walking backwards....and a guy practically molesting her as they walked. They looked as if they were glued at the stomach...or other areas I suppose.

I don't know when Target started attracting the freak shows, but I'm starting to shop online more and more!

An Eventful Day

I had to call the police twice yesterday while at work.

As I drove up to the back of my store, I noticed the driver's side rear window was busted. There was glass all around the outside of the car and inside on the seat.

I went inside to let the employee know. We were able to narrow down the time it happened, within a 45 minute time frame. She noticed a bag of tool worth about $700 were stolen. So, I called the police to come check it out. This is the 4th vehicle break-in in the past year. So from now on, no parking or hanging out in the back.

Then, as I was walking out to my car for lunch, an elderly lady ran into the store asking us to call 911 as another lady locked her baby in her truck. So I ran out there while calling the police, who is now programmed in my phone due to all the bad customers in the past. This lady had a huge Yukon Denali. She was leaning against the windows to see inside, where there was a 2 year old little girl sipping on her water cup. Did I mention it was 104 degrees outside?While I'm talking to the dispatch, they ask how long the kid has been in there and I ask the lady, and she replies about 4 minutes. While waiting, I'm trying the comfort the lady. After a couple of minutes, I realized she didn't understand a word I was saying as she didn't understand English. The police arrived quickly. The police officer was trying to ask her if she had On-Star after noticing the antenna on the truck. She wasn't understanding that. I ran into my store to get a translator. In the 30 seconds I was gone, another police car, 2 fire trucks and an ambulance were there. While the police officer was on the phone trying to get to On-Star while the firemen started taping up a window and trying to wedge something between the door and the frame while tons of other rescue people were looking into the window to see if the baby was okay.

The firemen told the police officer he had 60 seconds to get On-Star to pop the locks or they were breaking the window. Meanwhile, the lady is crying and not understanding one bit what is going on. Then the doors were unlocked. Every door was opened by a rescue person and the baby was removed.

I hope and pray that the lady seriously just stepped out of her truck and shut the door before getting the baby instead of leaving her in there while going inside the store. The baby was smart, sipping on her water. I can't sit in my truck with no air for 5 minutes...I couldn't imagine being the kid!

Life & Chocolate

Heard from Angel today:

"Life is like a box of chocolates....

...you never know when you're gonna get the shitty piece with the cherry in it."

Or in my case....

the one that's dark chocolate.

the one with nuts.

the one with with fruit.

DUI Car Wash

My friend's brother (we'll call him Nemo) made a BIG mistake the other night. He's in his early twenties, has a 2 year old at home that his mom takes care of and still lives at home.

He was driving home from a party after a night of drinking last weekend. While on the road, he thought he closed his eyes just for a second...and then woke up in the canal!

He was arrested and put in jail overnight, where he got the nickname Nemo for "swimming" in the canal.

His punishment? They will send him to Phoenix where he will spend a weekend in jail...the weekend has yet to be determined. He pays a $2000-$3000 fine and will be on probation for the next 2 or 3 years and his license suspended for the next few months.

His vehicle has also been impounded and will take almost another $1000 to get it out, not to mention how much it will cost to fix the damage to it.

When she told me this, I didn't feel sorry for him. He made a stupid, stupid decision....one that not only hurts him but hurts a lot of other people in his life and could of potentially hurt many others.

But this isn't what shocked me. Nope.... The following is what did the trick!

His buddies, probably the same ones that were at the party, are holding a car wash to help him pay for this!

I had to laugh! What are the signs going to say? What are they going to tell the establishment when they ask to have their car wash there?

I just don't get it...

The Day Is Done

CalTechGirl says it best here. Short and funny!

Last night, I thought I had driven into Mexico when stopping to get gas at a station right up the street. Tons of Mexicans getting as, blaring Mexican music. I'm guessing Sunday's financial statements may look decent for some businesses!

I had one person call-in today at 5:15 this morning. I still do not know if today's protest was the reason, or something else. But trust me, he has an appointment with me tomorrow and you can guaran-damn-tee that he's not going to like it. It is our right to protest...I have no problem with that. But you tell me that then. You tell me that today is important to you and that you will find someone to cover your shift....especially when you are in a supervisory role!

And BTW, calling me at 5:15 in the morning sure as hell is not going to make me want to help you out!

So thanks to my early wake up call, I went to the gym in the morning. All the old ladies going around the circuit could talk about was this protest. I even overheard one say that she was considering not crossing the border to by her medication anymore. CONSIDERING?!? hahahah

When I arrived at my store and opened the doors for business, I saw on the main drag a parade of white shirts with American and Mexican flags hootin' and hollerin' down the road.

There were a few stragglers stopping, in their white shirts and posters, at the corner coffee shop.... haha

And then it's a good thing I am dieting and didn't want McDonalds today because they were closed!! Yea, that's right, closed!

You know who I'd really like to protest? The snowbirds! I want them to boycott the businesses and walk down the streets.

Then I could get through town and get shopping done any a normal, speedy fashion!

Update to "Uno de Mayo"

I posted on the little protest going here Monday right here.

Well, on the news tonight, they were reporting on the planned protest and what streets they will be on and that they will be wearing all white.

Recently, we had an issue here with kids skipping school to protest this whole thing. On the news, they said the schools are staying open and that kids are expected to be at school.

Right after that....they said that if teachers don't show up, they will be considered on personal leave.

Somehow....that just doesn't seem to make sense to me.

And by the way, even though it's only supposed to be illegal Mexicans....legal Mexicans are going to show their support.

Anyone what to place any bets on how many people I end up firing on Tuesday?

Uno de Mayo

I was told today by one of my assistants that May 1st, Mexicans are not going to work to show how Mexicans are needed in America and to be appreciated. The source, I do not know...

Out of 17 of my employees, 12 are Mexican.

I find it funny!

I'll let you know the results.

My Personal Microwave

How often do you cook shellfish?

How often do you cook shellfish in your microwave?

As I was waiting the 90 seconds for my Beef-a-roni, I saw one of the quick buttons for "shellfish."

How often do people cook shellfish to justify it's own quick button?

If they made a microwave for me it would have:

- Beef-a-roni
- Easy Mac
- Hot Pocket
- Pizza

Shellfish? No!

Gay to Straight in Two!

Conversation at work yesterday:

Guy: You are so great! (hugging his assistant manager from behind)

AM: Get off of me! Come back when you are straight.

Guy: All it takes is 2 Forties and I'm as straight as they come.

Hmmm...is that all it takes???

Chile Pepper

There is a restaurant here in Yuma that everyone has been addicted to at one time or another. When I lived here 3 years ago, it was a weekly, sometimes daily routine! Rolled Tacos, delicious salsa, bean and cheese burritos (if you like beans), carne asada burritos...good stuff.

People from Phoenix, Tuscon and Sierra Vista are sure to stop by Chile Pepper and pick up food to take home. It's quite possibly an addiction. You can see some reviews here.

Customers who ate at Chile Pepper between May 25th and June 2nd of this year were exposed to Hepatitis A due to an infected employee.

...Officials estimated between 6,000 and 8,000 persons could have been exposed to the infection and said anyone who ate or drank at Chile Pepper, 1030 W. 24th St., between May 25 and June 2, may have been exposed....

...Regarding the restaurant, despite repeated statements by public health officials that the restaurant remains a safe place to patronize and has a good record, business at Chile Pepper is down considerably.

John Gutierrez, whose family owns the restaurant and two others in the area, said: "It's probably (down) by 80 percent."

The restaurant typically serves 1,200 to 2,000 people per day.

I wasn't here for this...but I heard about it from everyone. When I got back to Yuma, one of the first places I stopped was Chile Pepper. I was warned...but hey, shit happens.

Then, a few weeks ago, some of my employees ordered from there to find a worm in their salsa.

My employees called the health department and someone met them at the restaurant. The manager gave my employees their money back and said they were sorry but that they couldn't help it that the worms came in with the chili's they use for the salsa.

And that was it....

So needless to say, my employees have been showing EVERYONE these pictures.

Well, Saturday, I had a serious craving for some Chile Pepper. No one would join me. When I was teased, I joked that I needed some time off so I was going to eat Chile Pepper. I went and ordered my tacos and brought them to work. I dissected the tacos and investigated the salsa for worms or any other weird things...

This brings us to today. Where I am blogging after being at the hospital for 3 hours with food poisoning. Misery is all I can say! I've never had it before and don't wish it upon my worst enemy. Terrible stomach pains like someone was stabbing me, vomiting, diarrhea, fever, dizziness. Ugh!!

So, after a shot in the ass, and some drugs, I am not bent over into the bathtub or stuck to the toilet.

So I would say this was strike three for Chile Pepper! Not just that, I got my days off....but I'm not sure it was quite worth it!

Saved By Forwards

As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who
have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months.
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on
envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because
of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to go hungry because Red Lobster and Applebee's will be
sending me gift cards.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
Angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
Forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I
Receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
Now return the favor!

If you don't send this to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Happy Holidays in advance!

Can you cure a cat from pissing on the floor?

I thought that since Sissy gave me the keys, I should use them.

Espy, my beloved 9 year old cat periodically pees on my floor. She has designated places, typically corners. Often times though, she enjoys peeing on my belongings, such as a purse or an electric screw driver. I can sometimes link the pungent gift to retaliation; like the time she peed in my overnight bag 10 minutes before I was to leave or the time she peed on Bou’s boys’ swim suits when she was packing them up to leave. I’ve just decided she is neurotic and it’s best to keep things off the floor.

Flam, my love interest, is a huge cat lover and accepts Espy with all of her quirks. He’s heard me complain about the clean ups and all the past stories. I told him that I needed to spend time with her so we split our sleep-overs evenly between his and my house.

Saturday night.

Flam: Mo- have you noticed that Espy hasn’t peed lately?

Me: Yes, she’s been really good.

Flam: Hmmm, why do you think that is?

Me: (knowing what he was getting at, but playing stupid) I don’t know. I just never know with her.

Flam: Well, we have been spending a lot of time here. I think it’s because of me. I’m a good influence, she likes me.

Me: (not believing a word of this) That could be it, you never know with her.

Jump to Sunday morning. I’m in the other room and Flam is putting his shoes on.

Flam: MO! I think Espy peed on my shoes!

Me: Really? I am so sorry. (thinking – I told you so many times not to leave your bag on the floor)

Flam leaves and I clean the over night bag of the cat scent. Later Sunday night Flam explains to me that he just can’t get over Espy peeing on his shoes.

Flam: Why would she do this to me? More than anything, I’m just so hurt. I’ve stood up for her.

So I wonder, did he really think that he had cured her? That his presence for a couple months had done away with years of neurotic behavior? I’ve just learned to take her one day at a time, keep plenty of bottles of Nature’s Miracle around and keep my Coach purses off the floor.

Another Quick Update

I hit 20,000! Yeah! But I can't see who got it as sitemeter only holds the last 100 visitors and I've had 105 since then :-( So if you know who you are, SPEAK UP!

Meanwhile, Oddybobo also hit 20,000 and got us each a present! All I can say is Oddybobo might be my new favorite!

I'm in The Land That Time Forgot. Spurs' description of it is:

Contagion: Okay, I'm bad but what does TLTTF stand for? I forgot.

Spurs: The Land That Time Forgot

It's kind of a small, not quite ready for the current century kind of town.
383 churches listed in the yellow pages(I counted)
2 Gentlemens Clubs(again, I counted)
Oh yeah, and it's a dry county. Well, you can buy drinks in a bar, just no package stores unless you go to the next county. Which thankfully, isn't too far away...

Contagion: And were do you live. (Pulls out pen and paper to make a note of places not to visit.)

Spurs:
Lubbock Texas
Where the men are men
And the cows are afraid....

...and he's pretty much right. I would not step foot here if my two darling blogchildren didn't live here!

Spurs promised me a hangover but all I really got was indigestion. That's what happens when you stroll through the drive thru Mexican place at 12:30am and order $30 worth of Mexican food!

I'm spending one more day here to go shopping with Napster and watch the Cardinals kick some ass today, and then tomorrow I'm off to El Paso, TX. Tuesday I will be leaving El Paso for Yuma.

Want to hear how the blogmeet went with Amy and Donna? Go read Amy's review. I'll get mine up soon, hopefully!

Today I'm making Tammi's Turtle Cake for Spurs and Napster. Tammi told the world I can cook and now look what everyone expects from me ;-)

Alright...this will most likely be the end of the updates until I get settled in Yuma. I think Morrigan has some embarrassing Sissy stories she might post, I'm sure Bou has something up her sleeve, Spurs & Napster need a little push, and Tammi and Amy are doing a great job of keeping me from having a naked blog.

Really Quick Update

Tropical Storm Tammy was a bitch and stayed with me until Mississippi.

(I just had to say M-I-crooked letter crooked letter - I - crooked letter crooked letter - I - hunchback hunchback - I to spell Mississippi)

I drove from Atlanta to Dallas in 11 hours.

I hated leaving Morrigan.

I'm in Ft. Worth.

I hate Texas (sorry Amy)

They don't know how to build roads.

And it's flat and boring.

Gas is gradually getting cheaper.

I forgot there were Jack in the Box's out here.

I met Amy, her family and Donna and her husband. Nice people! Will post more later about the meet!

My hotel room smells like pee.

Yes, I changed rooms.

It still smells like pee.

And there are two cigarette burned holes in my comforter.

I slept on a blanket that was in my truck and my own pillow.

I considered nose plugs.

I'm headed to TLTTF to see Spurs & Napster. Spurs has promised me a hangover.

I should be hitting 20,000 visitors today but probably won't be around to see it.

Thank God for XM Radio and cell phones!

What WAS She Thinking?!?!

Sissy, Sissy, Sissy. Given us access to your site like that! Silly Girl.

So - in an effort to liven things up and offer good strong advise to my darling blog niece - I offer up this picture as a warning..........

Just keep that in mind!

More later.......................

15 Minute Rule!

In college, we had the 15 minute rule...

...if the professor didn't show up within 15 minutes of the class start time, we left!

Well, the instructor for my online class hasn't posted since the evening of 9/24. This is my 13th class and I've never seen that happen. The school has very strict rules on how often the instructors post.

So, what do you think the rule is with online 5 week classes? ;-)

Not All Needles Are The Same!

It is 9:00 and I just got back from the doctor. Got there at 6:15, left at 8:15. Joy!

Let me tell you something! I have two tattoos and have been pierced 10 times and I still get light-headed and ill when they go to take blood! I warn them first to not let me see the needle. Hell, my head is turned while they are cleaning the area!

My veins are a little hard to find in the usual arm area (what's that called? an elbow pit?) She tied one arm and poked around...no luck. She tied the other arm, and poked around...no luck.

Then she tied my lower arm and every vein in my freaking body pokes up in my hand. I start to flip and start poking my "elbow-pit" and saying "come on out guys...no more hiding". She starts cracking up and decides to give the initial location one more try! Good girl! She got it in one shot! I was impressed!

So, to skip a long boring story...I'm on some sort of antibiotics and can't drink for a week! WTF! I have a going away dinner Thursday night, I'm supposed to be stopping to see Morrigan on my out, supposed to stop and see Amy (and she has insisted she must be in the "Did a shot with Sissy" club) and then I'm off to see Spurs & Napster. Wait, I cannot be in TLTTF (also the bellybutton of America) without a drink! So I am planning to be there after Wed! Otherwise, they better give me some better drugs than these damn antibiotics :-D

I Fell Far From That Tree!

My dad is extremely structured and organized. I'm the opposite. If I had to guess at his MBTI, I would guess INTJ.

On Christmas, dad has the video camera in one hand and a trash bag in the other to collect all the wrapping paper.

He has my stepmom ready with Ziploc bags, Rubbermaid containers and the label maker.

My sister has all of her toys in containers or bags, with labels.

Each light switch in the house has a label to what it controls.

Every charger (cell phone chargers and such) has a label.

I got a label maker for Christmas last year.

They keep a notebook with every password they have for computer stuff.

Growing up, my bedroom door had to be all the way closed or all the way open...no in-between or I owed him a dollar!

He made me write him an essay at 13 when he found out I was wearing my contacts to bed and not taking them out every night.

He makes sure to have fingernail clippers and Camphophenique in his desk at work, at home, next to his recliner, next to the bed, in the truck, and in my stepmoms purse.

Dad's rule #1 - Plenty of hugs for daddy! Rule #2 - No messes in the truck!

........

As organized as this man is, he still calls my sisters and me by each others names. Usually, we end up being #1, #2 and #3.

Speaking of which, he is surrounded by girls and got a male dog and male rabbit for some testosterone in the house....

...he forgets their names too!

Do You Like Cherry Popsicles?

If so, I have a whole box of them!

I don't like them. I don't like anything really with a cherry flavor.

Why?

Cherry flavoring smells and taste like Children's Tylenol.

Eck!

Cleaning Out the Fridge

One of the many things I accomplished yesterday, was cleaning out the fridge and the cabinets.

Why you ask? I'm not moving for another 3 weeks.

Well, when you are single, not home, and don't cook much...food tends to go bad. I'm talking some of the stuff you all by every time you go to the store, it goes bad in my house.

Address Books

If you ever enter me in your address book, let me warn you now....

Here are few scenarios from friends:

B wrote my info in pen. BIG mistake. What does she use now? Computer labels (like address labels) and just sticks them over my previous address. How many does she have? 10 How long have I known her? 10 years (4 of those while in high school and 1 of those years she was my English teacher)

V, who I have known for 5 years, was smart and wrote it in pencil. She was used to military families. Well, she wore a hole through the page and had to buy a new address book and re-write all of her addresses.

S just assigns all the "odd" pages to me. Q, X, Y, and Z. Those are my pages

Then I have a couple of friends that just write it on a post-it note and stick it in the back of their address book.

They all have better records of my previous addresses than I do!!

Mexico

I am laughing my ass of right now! You know me and looking for signs to be sure I'm doing the right thing.

Today, I found someone to clean my apartment for me when I move for $60. I took that as a sign. Other little things happened that I would wonder, "Is that a sign?"

But the signs of all signs has me rolling!

I listen to Yahoo Launchcast while on my computer. You can create your own radio station. It's pretty cool since my music taste is so diverse.

I've been using this thing for like 3 years, so it pretty much has everything I want down, and I don't have to rate songs anymore for it to figure out what I like.

Today, it played some Mariachi music. Now, I like some latin music, but I have never told Launchcast I liked Mariachi. The only time I like Mariachi is when I'm in Mexico eating tacos de asada and drinking margaritas! So, I skipped the song and rated it as "Never Play Again".

Well, a few hours later, what do I hear?? ANOTHER Mariachi song! I just started laughing!

Well...I'm either supposed to make this move or join a Mariachi band!

Words

Do you ever look at a word and just think that it doesn't look right?

Tonight, I was writing a paper for school, and I was looking at the word WHITE. For some reason, it just wasn't looking right to me. I even went so far to make sure I wasn't having a brain fart and checked the spelling.

I do this with very basic words. It drives me nuts. I wonder what crazy things are going on in my brain when this happens!

Here We Go Again!

Wow, I can't believe I'm actually going to make this leap...

...but I'm moving.

I told my future boss I wanted the job and I told my current boss tonight that I was going to do it.

My future boss is excited! She knows we are going to rock with that market!

My current boss understands but doesn't like it. She says I can only leave if I find her my replacement.

It was hard to tell her I wanted to go, even after all the bullshit going on with this job and department. I still felt guilty.

Is it bad I'm crossing my fingers that my dad doesn't get this job in Memphis????

So, I am sure to have more details as the days go by. I am probably looking at going out there around October.

Everything is very up in the air. My family understands. It's a great opportunity for me.

I need to make this long term. My definition of long term might be a little different from yours. I'm thinking like 2-3 years. By then, I will be done with my degree, will have a few years of multi-store management and training on my resume. I'll be ready for something big then!

So, I look around my house, depressed by the fact that I will have to start packing...again....soon. I just finished unpacking just recently. I just got my SC registration and tags in June.

Damn, I hope I'm not making a big mistake! But I could not find much wrong with moving to Arizona to take this job.

Blogging vs. Critical Thinking

Why is it, that I can write 1000 words for my blog in less than 20 minutes but I am trying to write a 1000 word paper and it has taken me several hours and I'm still on the 2nd paragraph?

I so need to get on the ball with this class! Not to mention, Critical Thinking is probably something I could use!

More Travel

Saturday morning I have to drive to Atlanta AGAIN! This time I don't have to do it at 3am...more like 11am this time.

I will then fly to Kansas City, arriving at about 6pm. I'll get to spend the night at a friend of mine's place that I haven't seen since November. Then, Sunday, I will drive 2 hours to Columbia Missouri (where I went to college for a year), to get ready for training Monday.

I will train for 3 days, and then drive back to KC on Thursday, departing at about 11am and arriving back in Atlanta at about 2:30pm. Then I will proceed to drive 3 hours home.

Trust me, this is MUCH better than some of the alternatives to getting to Columbia, MO.

So tonight, I must pack, do laundry, and do homework since I will be traveling for most of the weekend.

Too bad lunch mad me sick today and I feel like I'm going to ralph any moment.

For Sale

A friend of mine is selling throws. You know what they are, the thingy that you throw over your bed to keep you warm. I have a sample in the extended entry.

They are $63.00 each. I know it sounds expensive, but they are really good quality. I am getting 2 - one for my bed and one for my sofa.

Take a look and let me know if you are interested. Orders are due by this weekend so she can ship them out Monday.

SAMPLE THROW
Taking Orders Now!

« Hide "For Sale"

Today's Savings

A little background to this email from my stepmom. We went to Circuit City to use a coupon my stepmom had that would give her a gift card for 10% of her purchase.

My dad LOVES his electronics (maybe that's where I get it from). He especially loves his TV. He has surround sound set up to his command chair (the recliner) to be the sweet spot.

Well, he has been eyeing this 70 inch Sony Wega (with everything). I think the thing cost like $7000.

My stepmom had it figured out that if they bought the TV that day she would get a gift card that could practically pay for the new computer they are also shopping for.

Needless to say, they didn't make the purchase. But here's my stepmom's savings for today!

Okay here's my deal for today! 6 boxes of the new Chocolate Lucky Charms 2 boxes of Cheerios 2 boxes of Nature Valley Granola Bars

Total cost: $44.05
Total savings: 38.70
What I paid: $5.35 (that's 50 cents a box for both the cereals and granola bars!!)

So Sissy with all these savings I might be able to get Dad his big TV by xmas!! LOL

Savings!

My stepmom has always been a shopper! She loves to shop! She passed it along to me as we had a ritual of getting up early for shopping the day after Thanksgiving.

Well, she has a new hobby, also dealing with shopping!

She belongs to a network called Coupon Cents (I think, or something like that). They have people that go through the paper and label the sections of coupons. As you get the Sunday paper (which you get a discount on through them), you also label these according to the letter and number they give you, and you file them away.

Then there is this forum where people tell you where all the sales are! People talk about what their savings were, what they found, etc. They'll tell you to go back to a certain section of coupons to pull that coupon to get a product for nearly nothing.

My stepmom has 3 Sunday papers delivered for this reason.

So, as we were out shopping, we had a list. She ended up getting 4 tubes of Colgate toothpaste for 50 cents each (which she will send to the troops as our family uses Crest). She got 4 of my dad's deodorants for like $1.00 each. Six bottles of Pantene were also purchased for $15. There was plenty more and this was all just while I was there!

This went on....tons of savings! It's all very well organized! Their idea is that you should never have to pay for toothpaste, shampoo (at least the cheaper stuff) and little things like that.

Every time we went somewhere, my dad and I would ask "Do you have a coupon for that?"

Well, on Monday, she sent me the following email:

Just had to share my exciting shopping trip today….mostly for Sissy to laugh at me! If you blog about this Sissy you better make sure you include the deals I've been getting!!

Walgreen:
Bought 4 rolls of scotch tape for 50 cents (used 4 coupons)!

Safeway:
6 Ragu Sauce
3 Wishbone salad dressings
1 skippy peanut butter

Total cost: $26.40
Total savings: $25.20 (coupons & club card)
What I paid: $1.20 (95% SAVINGS!!)

Sissy I tried to take a picture with my phone but it didn't come out clear enough to send!!

Okay enough of my exciting day!! Now I have to go rest! LOL

The program is only in Arizona and Utah although I'm sure there are some like it in other areas.

Craziness!

Changes in the Church

As my stepmom was making breakfast for us Sunday morning, she asked if anyone wanted to go to church with her.

Me: I've got homework...sorry!

Sis #2: I'm staying with Sissy

Dad: Nope....but tell them to start singing some traditional hymns.

Stepmom: Then would you go?

Dad: Mmmm, no.

Stepmom: Alright then, leave it up to me to save you all!

Later in the day as we were driving back from the movies:

Stepmom: While I was at church today, trying to save you all, they menitoned....

Dad: That reminds me, we need to get Sis #2 baptized.

Stepmom: *laughs* Well, ok...I'll have to see how they do it.

Dad: What do you mean? They just take her out to the river and dunk her.

Mom: No, they have like a backyard pool where they do it now. You'd know this if you went to church.

Dad: Whatever...just get her baptized.

I needed a quote pen while I was in Phoenix!

You'll Never Guess!!!

I got a call from my boss yesterday morning.

My trip to Kansas City was cancelled.

Yes, you heard me right!

It was pointless for me to come out here (excpet to see my family )
It was pointless for me to buy a new suitcase to hold 2 weeks worth of stuff.
It was pointelss for me to pack 2 weeks worth of stuff.

etc.....

It's cool....they basically paid for half my trip out here to see my family for the weekend!

So, I will fly all day Monday, getting to ATL at about 8pm and then will continue to drive home to Columbia...getting home about midnight!

I still have to fly out on the following Saturday to Columbia, MO...but at least I can go home for a few days! And more airline miles for me

My job is ever changing! Nothing is EVER constant!

Here We Go...

I am packing, doing laundry and trying to drink until I get VERY SLEEPY to get ready for my trip tomorrow. Yes, I have to leave my house by 3am tomorrow to drive to ATL for a 9:15 am flight. *Hmmm, maybe I should stop drinking*

Kiki will be traveling on the plane with me in a soft kennel. One of the great things about having a small dog! I also want to bring her hard kennel as she loves to sleep in it with her blanket. So, to make sure it would be allowed, I called both Continental and Delta (both airlines that I will be on tomorrow) to make sure it would be ok, it would count as one of my checked bags and I wouldn't be charged.

They kept thinking my dog was going to be in it! They couldn't grasp the concept that my dog was coming with me in a soft kennel and I wanted the hard kennel for when I got there. They both said yes, I could take it, as one of my checked bags and at no additional charge.

How much do you want to bet I get hell for it somewhere tomorrow? We've got 2 shots...Atlanta and Kansas City.

The downside to this is how I'm going to carry everything. Tomorrow when I get to the Atlanta Airport, I will have to park in one of the lots that shuttles you to the airport. When doing this, I will have 1 large suitcase, a hard kennel, my rolling laptop bag, and Kiki in her soft kennel. I will throw my purse in my laptop bag!

So, let's say I make it ok. Then, when I get to KC, I have to go to baggage claim, pick up all these items, and then go check in with Continental with all these things.

Hmmm...I'm kind of wondering if I should buy another $20 kennel when I get to Phoenix. I think it'd be worth it! Then I'll just have to pack her blanket.

I should arrive in Phoenix at about 6:30 their time. My sister (3rd grade) is so very excited. She called today and said, "Sissy, what's your itinerary for tomorrow?" She cracks me up!

Hey...at least I'll save on electricity, water, food and gas while I'm gone for 2 weeks. Damn, too bad I can't save on rent and cable!

What's That Smell?

You know those times you search for shit you haven't worn in forever because you didn't feel like doing laundry last night? Yea...I did a little bit worse today!

I didn't feel like doing laundry last night, so this morning, I pulled a pair of slacks and a top out of my suitcase from my trip to TLTTF. Hey, I didn't wear them last week, they were clean....or so I thought...

I was sitting at my desk at work, dealing with our online meeting environment crashing, trying to get it back up for a 4 hour training I was conducting. During this, I smelled something funny. I sniffed around to realize it smelled like pee!

I'm smelling around my office and then I finally smell my shirt and pants to figure out it was coming from me. WTF?? I couldn't figure out what it was...it just stunk.

After a few moments, it was starting to nauseate me. But I couldn't leave to change/shower because I had this 4 hour training to do. I tried to think what the hell it was that made my clothes smell like pee.

Yea, remember here where I said my boss's baby peed on me? Well, those pants were in my suitcase wrapped in a towel.

Eck! Once I figured it out, I felt nasty all day. I was sure not to talk to anyone at a close proximity! Just plain NARSTY!

Needless to say, laundry MUST be done tongiht!

This Blows!

What is it with liquor laws?

I just came from The Belly Button of America, where they are a dry county. Yes, you heard me right...a dry county! You have to drive to the next county to get ANY kind of alcohol! You can't even get beer at the grocery store or gas station!

Here in The Gates of Hell, they do not serve ANY type of alcohol on Sundays. The grocery stores will tape off the area to keep you from getting to it.

I don't like this...but I can live with it. I don't think I should be told when I am allowed to buy alcohol...but I will choose my battles...

But tonight is what put me over the edge! All I wanted was some damn vodka for vodka and red bulls tonight! I've had a rough day, I'm pissed/upset and have to stay up and do some cleaning before I have unexpected company tomorrow.

I go to one package store, and they close at 7 (it was 7:55). I go to another that is open, but have the side with all the liquors (and my vodka in sight) locked away. This fucking retard of a state stops selling liquor at 7pm! WTF? I don't start wanting it until then!

I don't get it....what do these limits do for the state other than piss a bunch of people off! Tell me if I'm missing something...

I remember living in the Left Sweaty Armpit of America (Yuma), and being able to walk across the street to the gas station and get beer, liquor...anything! Not time restrictions!

The only thing that *did* suck is that the bars closed at 1am. BUT, that just meant we crossed the border to California to go to another bar for an hour (time difference), and once that bar closed at 1am, we crossed over into Mexico.

So, I'm settling for Smirnoff Ice. Not what I wanted...but at least it's not freaking Sunday!

Bank Hassle

I get a letter from my bank that says the following:

You may have recently read or heard about a security breach at a company that processes debit and credit card transactions for thousands of merchants. We have been advised by this processor that your Check Card may have been compromised as a result.......

[Something about they are monitoring my account and nothing unusual has happened]

To ensure that you are completely protected from fraudulent activity, we have issued you a new Check Card. ....receive new pin....in a few days...Your old card will remain active until Monday, 8 August 2005. Please destroy your old card once your new PIN is received and you have successfully activated your new card.

It goes on to tell me they understand that this may be an inconvenience however my account security is their first priority. I'm not responsible for unauthorized charges....so on and so forth.

Now first, let me explain, I LOVE my bank! Truly! I have been a member for 11 years and will never change. No problems, good interest rates, good people running the place. The only issue...there aren't a lot of round. It's a military credit union, so you have to be near a base to go to a branch.

I want to get mad. I hate the fact that I have to call EVERYONE I have set up on automatic payment to switch this account number. I have everything on automatic so I don't have to deal with it! I HATE balancing checkbooks, I HATE doing budgets, I HATE paying bills. So if you want your money, YOU take it out of my account each month. Yea, not the most responsible thing. But my shit gets paid.

But I can't get mad because I appreciate the fact that they are proactive in protecting me.

But I want to get mad...really really bad!

Another Grown-up Question

I open the fridge to see that I had put down steaks last night.

Hmmm....I should probably do something with them

Can I refreeze them? Can they sit in the fridge for another day? Should I cook them and save them to microwave later?

When did I buy these?

Sell by: April 26th 2005

Hmmm...I'm thinking no good...but the jury is out until my mom calls me back or one of you frantically attack my comments with "DON'T EAT THAT!"

Up for Sale

While I was unpacking today, I found 4 figurines that belonged to the dude who was living with me while still married. That was 3 years ago. He's had plenty of time to claim them. He's the dummy who left them (along with his Marine Corps Dress Blues, Cammies, etc in which I donated to Saigon Sams).

So, what to do with these? They are cute!

I'd love to keep them, but it feels weird to do so. I've got plenty of patriotic and Marine Corps memorabilia. So...

They are now listed on EBay! The money made will be used as a donation to support our troops.

Hmmm, I wonder if he might see them.

Never Under Estimate Me! - Updated

I am staying up late tonight to get stuff done! One of things I did today was buy a desk.

The guy is loading it in my truck and says, "Make sure you have help carrying this in."

I laughed and said I would be doing it on my own. He said that it wasn't that cheap stuff, it was heavy. There was no way I could do it on my own.

Hmmm...that sounds like a challenge.

I have lived on my own, by myself for the past 6 years. I have moved on my own, driven cross country on my own, loaded and unloaded Uhauls on my own. I will ALWAYS find a way!

So I get home and back my truck into it's spot. I drag the huge box from the back and realize it is a little heavier than I thought. But I had no choice, I had to get it in the house! Wouldn't do me a lot of good sitting in the truck!

So, I dragged it about 10 feet. The bottom of the box is now tore up....but no biggy. Then I did the "lean on one corner walk" until I got down the 3 stairs to my front door.

Never tell me I can't do something!

I have the instructions out, getting ready to put the thing together, and it says:

To make the assemble easier and more pleasant, ask a friend to help you! 2 people required !

*Update*

It is done! And with only ONE person!

Tammi- There's 3 extra pieces. I'll bring them for the bonfire next time I'm up there. Don't tell Teresa ;-)

Family Feud - UPDATED

I was playing Family Feud Online and lost on this question:

I can't believe this stumped me...how sad!

There are 7 answers...let's see if ya'll can get them. I'll post their answers this weekend.

*UPDATE*

100 people were surveyed...let's see what they came up with...

CRS

CRS = Can't Remember Shit (Napster's term.)

Blogmom Bou was talking about not being able to remember simple words such as shed or counter.

Many people in her comments agreed they have this problem. Along with me. I have it bad!

I'm not even sure I talk English sometimes. Here are a few of the ways I corrupt the English language:

Did You Know...

...it's impossible to lick your elbow?

The Toilet Seat Debate

My blogson Spurs is learning the language of marriage.

He says, "Now if I can just remember to put the seat down..."

I'm proud of the boy!

Here's my theory....

Girls need the seat down for 2 reasons.

Boys need the seat up for 1 reason.

Girls win 2-1!

'nuff said!