February 28, 2007
Name The Show
Some of the best writers in TV...
"Could have left the scarf at home and just told him you'd be wearing a look of desperation."
"You guys are still thinking like doctors when you should be thinking like plumbers. Come on, I wanna see some butt crack."
"Is that Vicodin?"
"Breath mint. Thought you were going to kiss me."
"You've never seen an after school special? Dawson's Creek? How do you get to thirty and not know about condoms?"
"Merry Christmas."
"Happy go to hell."
"I thought I'd get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual."
"This thing won me second place in the clinic's weekly 'Weirdest thing pulled out of an orifice' contest."
"If I'm in a buttload of pain, I need a buttload of pills."
You okay?"
Hurt my shoulder playing fantasy football."
"Okay, fine. I'll father your child. But first you gotta write me a Vicodin prescription. Just so I can get through the foreplay."
"Everything's conditional. You just can't always anticipate the conditions."
"Quick, what's the status? I gotta get back to our sleeper before he goes looking for the orgasmatron."
"I had a date last night. She screamed too. You think we should spend a hundred thousand dollars testing her?"
"Of course not. This isn't a veterinary hospital. Zing!"
"Go up his rear and get a smear. Which reminds me, kinda feel like a bagel."
"After that look, I'm feeling a little frisky and looks like you're up."
"I'm ovulating. Let's go."
"The frisky, it went away."
"Take this four times a day. And stay off airplanes. They're flying cesspools."
"I'm a cripple, remember? Accommodations must be made."
"Is this an intervention? You're a little late, since I'm not using drugs anymore. I am, however, still hooked on phonics."
"Why don't I have high-def in my office? I'm a department head."
"You're lucky he didn't die."
"I'm lucky? He's the one who didn't die."
February 25, 2007
Did You Turn Off the Stove?
Napster came to visit this weekend. She drove a total of 6 hours for a visit of less than 24 hours. But I enjoyed every minute of it.
As we were leaving my house to attend the estrogen fest, Napster did a quick check to be sure everything was secure and turned off.
Napster: Back door locked?
Sissy: Yep
Napster: Everything off?
Sissy: Yep
Napster: Stove off?
Sissy: Haha, I would have to use the stove to worry about it being off.
Let me preface this with the fact that I have only gotten a total of 16 hours of sleep in the past 4 days. So, I might not be thinking as clearly as usual. My actions seem to be without much thought or concentration.
This morning, I decided to fix a little breakfast. That would have been around 8:30 am. Eggs, turkey bacon and toast. I left the house a little before 1pm to go get a pedicure. Came back and was able to doze off for an hour. Around 4:30 I ran to the store for some sprite to settle my tummy. I returned home and went into the kitchen to pour the sprite and noticed it was extremely hot in there, but the heater wasn't on. I looked over at the stove to see the light on it and the burner on. Along with that, the bread bag was left open as well as well as the OJ left out. I may not use the stove much, but I certainly never leave food out.
Once I was through scolding myself, I laughed as I remembered Napster's question as to whether the stove was off. Perhaps I shouldn't have laughed at her!
February 16, 2007
Fit Handyman
Craigslist has become one of my new addictions. I have bought and sold stuff with ease.
They have an area you can look for services. I was looking for someone that could fix the piss poor paint job I did in the kitchen (TIP: Don't paint when you are drunk).
While searching, I came across the following ad:
wht 49 y/o fit clean handyman can help you out. Alittle Plumbing. Alittle Electrical. Alittle Woodworking.Even alittle of you.
If it needs fixing or servicing let me know. I can take care of most any issue you have.
In your e-mail to me type in the subject line Handyman. Also give me an idea as to what you need done.
Wow, what a deal.
"Hello there. I have about a weekend's worth of work that needs to be done. Oh, and I also need a lightbulb changed. What are your rates?"
Too funny!
February 14, 2007
February 15th
Well, 2 years ago I started blogging.
4 years ago today I rescued Kiki from the animal shelter in Yuma.
I barely blog anymore and Kiki is still with my family.
So do I celebrate today?
Eh, why not.
February 11, 2007
24
I am on 24 overtime. While watching the sixth season, I have also been watching the 1st and 2nd season...onto the 3rd this week.
I have found two things funny about this whole thing...
First, it makes me paranoid. I was working out the other morning and was watching music videos. There was a scene of a guy that was bringing flowers to his girlfriend's house. They show the girlfriend opening the door, then the camera turns to the view from the door, looking at the boyfriend. In the background, I see a white, unmarked van drive by and stop in front of the house. In the back of my head, I'm thinking, "Oh shit, they're going to kill him."
Yea, paranoid.
Secondly, I found thissite on my friend's MySpace page. It's a MySpace profile for Jack Bauer and has as his "friends" profiles for all the characters. It's quite funny.
What I found most funny, in the profile, under income it says $100,000-$150,000.
Damn, that just sucks!
Not Your Hallmark Holiday
I have noticed an increase of KY Jelly commercials in the past week or so. The most recent is KY Jelly - Intrigue, The longest lasting lubricant, suggesting it as an idea for Valentine's Day.
I have given KY as a gift before. A PRANK gift. So, if on Valentine's Day, I received KY from someone I was seeing, I would not be able to keep a straight face. Not sure that's the gift to say, "I love you."
I suppose Valentine's Day is not just a Hallmark holiday anymore.
February 09, 2007
What Does Your Candy Heart Say?
I plead the 5th...
Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me" |
 A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love |
February 08, 2007
Delete
The other day I decided it was time to delete a particular person's information from my phone. When trying to move on from something, it's easier not to have little reminders such as their name at the top of your contact list, an inbox full of text messages, etc.
It helps....a lot.
Then I thought, of how it would be if we could delete something from our memory like we can on the phone. A bit of information, a memory, an experience.
There's not much I would want to delete. I believe most things have a purpose. But I can think of a couple of things that I wouldn't mind deleting...
Like this particular person's phone number...not good to have numbers memorized when drunk.
I could think of a song or two that I would love to have deleted from memory.
The time I saw grandma naked...I could live without ever picturing that again.
So, my question is...if you could delete something from memory, would you?
5 AM
I woke up at 5am this morning. On my own. Couldn't go back to sleep. Don't know why. I like my sleep.
At least I get enough time to work out this morning. And maybe I'll go into work early so I can squeeze out early. Who knows....
But this 5am thing....it's weird. It's quiet, it's cold, it's dark....and there's nothing good on TV.
