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June 28, 2006


I need to give a quick thanks to Napster and Morrigan. They have been on the phone with me every second of the way through the time line below. Every doubt, anxiety, nerves, fears, tears, absurd thoughts...they were there for...and there was a lot! That had to be the single longest thing to listen to someone bitch about!

But they did it, and boy am I thankful!

So thank you ladies, for this and more!

Posted by Sissy at 03:01 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

The Unoffical Word

3/28/06 - Job Posted

4/21/06 - 1st Interview

4/28/06 - 2nd Interview

1st week of May - 3rd Interview

6/2/06 - 4th Interview

6/6/06 - 5th Interview

6/7/06 - Gave notice at current employer of final day 6/30/06

6/27/06 - Heard the "unoffical" word that I got the job

This has to have been the longest process I have ever been through! But it's done I can leave this Saturday for Atlanta happier, less worried and stronger.

Speaking of strong, they must think I am super woman as the recruiter said he believes my start date will be the 10 of July.

So that means a couple of days with Napster & Spurs, another day or two with a friend of mine in Austin, up to Kentucky to spend with my dad and then down to Atlanta. Meanwhile, finishing up a class and doing some online searching for housing.

I finally think I'll get some sleep tonight! Do you think the current job will mind if I sleep in a little tomorrow?

Posted by Sissy at 02:53 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

June 26, 2006

Password Change

I got this message today:

"Your password expires in 12 days. Would you like to change your password now?"

Nope! No need! I won't be here in 12 days! *grin*

Posted by Sissy at 08:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

5 Days Left and I Won't Miss...

...turning on the cold water to brush my teeth and getting water warm enough to take a relaxing bath in.

Posted by Sissy at 08:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 23, 2006

Screening Customers

Most people screen calls, but I have to screen customers!

I don't mind coming out of my office to take care of a customer at all. But I have to watch out for the ones that just like to chat with me or ask for me just because I'm the manager and they want the hook up.

Today, one my employees came into my office and the following conversation took place:

Employee: "Jay is here to see you."

Me: "Did he ask for me by name or the manager?"

Employee: "He asked for you. He said he hasn't seen you in a really long time."

I couldn't think of Jay that I knew...I don't know many people here.

Me: "What does he look like?"

Employee: "He came up on a motorcycle and is wearing a backpack like he just got out of school. He's white, a little chubby, young."

Me: "What color hair?"

Employee: "Short black hair."

Me: "Are you sure his name isn't Steve?" (Steve being the only guy that I know that hasn't seen me in a long time, with short black hair and rides a motorcycle)

Employee: "Nope, Jay"

Me: "Geez, I don't mind helping him if he's a customer but I'm afraid I'm supposed to know him and I can't think of who he might be."

While I'm wondering when the last time I went out and was hasn't been any time recent.

I then ask my assistant manager to go out there and see if she knows who it is. She jokes that she's going to pretend to talk on her phone and take a picture of him and makes her way out there.

Asst: "Employee must need glasses. This guy is in his 30's and Mexican."

Me: "Ooohhhh, that's the DJ at the bar I go to!"

So I go out there where he gives me a hug and asks if I have an extra headset for his phone as he vacuumed his up. He asked why I hadn't been at the bar for a while and when I was coming to see him. I told him I was moving in a week, and he made me promise to come by before I leave.

I told him it'd have to wait until next week as this weekend was tight. That's when he said, "Girl, you know you don't have to worry about drinks when I'm there!"

Damn! I would have been there a lot more if I knew that!! My weekend is looking up!

So needless to say, I have an employee who needs some serious vision correction and a hook up I've been wasting the past several months!

Posted by Sissy at 11:52 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

My 17 Kids

I love my team, I really do! But I swear I am raising children!

Out of 17 employees, all but 2 are under the age of 24. The other 2 are around 26.

I've had to laugh at myself lately as I have had to get creative in getting them to listen.

The break room has been a horrific mess. There was food on the floor and on the wall. Wrappers and containers everywhere, loads and loads of cups, etc.

I asked the cleaning crew to grab every cup and put it in a trash bag in my office. They had 48 hours to collect their cups and then they went in the dumpster!

Oh, and if I caught the break room like that again, it was off limits.

Not 2 days later, did someone leave their Jack in the Box food out. I promptly threw it away, turned the break room table upside down, as well as the chairs. They went the weekend without a break room.

The break room has been clean ever since!

I have also been fighting with them on sitting down while with a customer. In the days that I was a rep, I would work open to close, 6 days a week (I was an overtime hog) without a seat. These guys complain about standing for an hour. I give them plenty of breaks, but I constantly see a chair mysteriously wind up at their POS stations.

Today, I had enough. I promptly propped open the back door, asked my technician if he needed to release some aggression, and we took all the chairs but 2 and went outside and threw them in the dumpster. The 2 we kept are for one employee that is pregnant and for a customer if needed.

Wearing their name tag is the next thing I'm battling. I'm thinking of making a name tag that has this really awful name or something that they have to wear when they forget theirs.

No wonder I don't want children...I'm frickin' raising 17 of them!

Posted by Sissy at 11:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 19, 2006

The Frying Pan

When businesses tie towels around their front door handles, you know it's freaking hot!

112 degrees it was today. I looked over to my left sidebar, and my weather pixie got rid of the bikini, it's that freakin' hot!

It's only'll get worse!

I did a little shopping today. And when I said little, I only walked into two stores.

When I got home, I had a tan line from my flip flops.

To make the heat even worse, my work uniform....all black. I suppose they want us already dressed appropriately when we die of heat stroke.

No amount of water consumption and lotion will keep my skin from looking like chalk.

2 more weeks.....

Posted by Sissy at 02:01 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

June 17, 2006

Belated Blog Birthday

I'm such a bad blogmother!

My Blogchildren Spurs & Napster turned 1 this past May. I don't even think they realized it as there was no 1 year celebration post!

Well, they don't get off that easy! Go bug them, congratulate them, or tease them....whatever floats your boat!

Posted by Sissy at 08:51 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

5 Things

Blogmom Bou tagged me with this meme, so I should probably obey....

5 things in my refrigerator:

A gallon of skim milk that expired about 2 weeks go.

Smoothie Yogurts

Diet Mountain Dew

Sugar Free Redbull

old cucumbers that need to be thrown out

5 things in my closet

3 suitcases full of clothes

About 10 pairs of black or brown shoes

A quilt my grandma made me

Hard Rock Cafe Monopoly (unopened)

A charicature of my sister and me.

5 things in my purse

L'Occitane Lip Balm (the best stuff lip balm ever!)

Eye drops for contacts

Hair clips

My expired military ID from 2000

A $200 receipt for Sephora (damn it Morrigan and Napster)

5 things in my Car:



Miscellaneous hair clips belonging to various people clipped to various places in my car

Packing Tape

An ice scraper (not sure what to do with that in Yuma)

I don't have anyone to tag. Maybe I should get to know more people!

Posted by Sissy at 09:24 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 14, 2006


I got this via email and thought some of you might find interest in this:

Dear Lejeune Brat,

"BRATS: Our Journey Home" is now available on DVD at...

It's the first-ever documentary about us -- about growing up "BRAT" -- and how that has profoundly shaped our lives and our struggle to belong.
Help us spread the word.

I'm Tim Wurtz, Ankara American High School class of 1969. I co-produced
"BRATS: Our Journey Home." It's written and directed by Army Brat Donna Musil and narrated by Air Force Brat Kris Kristofferson. We need your support to let other Brats know about this movie. Here's what people are saying...

"I saw this beautiful film at the Newport Beach Film Festival... it is very, very well made and is a must for each and every person who ever lived under these circumstances... this is not an easy topic... the filmmakers have done an excellent job of laying out the major issues... we should all support this film in the most aggressive way possible..."
-John Hardy, Air Force Brat, London Central '66 - Producer, "Sex, Lies and Videotape" "Erin Brokovich" "Ocean's 11" "Ocean's 12"...

"Thanks for letting us become validated. You're doing a tremendous service and will touch lives you don't even know about for years to come."
-Liz Cain, Brat, Bitburg American High School

"I can't believe the changes in my life it's brought about already."
-Ginger Cole Turner, DOD teacher's daughter

"I am completely overwhelmed. I thought I had covered this waterfront both intellectually and emotionally, but how wrong I was. I was sobbing."
-Sarah Bird, Military Brat, author, "The Yokota Officers Club"

Watch this movie and help us inform BRAT NATION. Please forward this e-mail to every brat you know, including your brothers and sisters, and to the parents of every brat you know.

Visit the web site -

Festivals and screenings: [I deleted this for space, you can see it at their website]

Thank-you for your support.

This looks very interesting and I'm looking forward to checking it out.

And I have to share the quote on their website by my favorite author, Pat Conroy:

As author and Marine Corps brat Pat Conroy says so eloquently in his introduction to Mary Wertsch's book, Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood Inside the Fortress:

I thought I was singular in all this, one of a kind. From Mary's book I discover that I speak in the multitongued, deep-throated voice of my tribe. ...[I]t's a language I was not even aware I spoke... a secret family I did not know I had. ... Military brats, my lost tribe, spent their entire youth in service to this country, and no one even knew we were there.

Posted by Sissy at 11:06 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

June 13, 2006

Could They Get It Right?

A couple of months ago, I was offered a Sam's Club Credit Card while in the check out at Sam's Club. It was a good interest rate and I thought it would be good for work since I could just expense the purchases and pay it off, so I accepted. They gave me the card right there in the store, it was very easy.

I made a couple of purchases, mainly gas since it's cheaper at Sam's Club. I waited for a bill, and nothing. I could never remember the exact date I got it, but felt it should be about time I got a bill. I tried to log in online, and it wouldn't accept my account number. I tried to call, but every time I did, they were closed. I did everything but go in the store, and that was just because I could never get time, or when I was in there, it was full of snow birds.

So finally, about 6 weeks later, I receive a bill with the numbers of my address all inverted. I brought the bill into the store and told them what was going on. They got me on the phone with someone that could fix the issue, and they did. Because of the date, I told the lady I would go ahead and pay the bill, now of which was past due, and the next bill that wasn't due for another 2 weeks. This was on May 6th.

Then I get a phone call today letting me know that I was past due. I asked them how that was and explained how I made two payments at the store and shouldn't owe anything until July 1st. The lady didn't know why, but also couldn't help me. I also asked when I should be getting a bill, and she explained that the first two went to the wrong address, but that the next one should actually show up. Fine!

Today, I receive a bill with the correct address with a $25 late charge and showing I'm 2 payments due. Bull shit! So I promptly called up and one of the options is to press something to cancel the account. Bingo! So I press cancel, never wanting to deal with this shit again, and it of course gets me straight to a representative. I told her why I wanted to cancel, and she said, "Ok, no problem. I'll go ahead and take care of that for you." Not that I wasn't happy she didn't bring all the lame reasons to stay, but I was surprised. She then asked if there was anything else she could do to help me. I said yes, let me talk to someone that can get rid of this $25 late charge since you all couldn't get me a bill out and seem to think I'm late even though I made two payments in the store. She said, "No problem, let me go ahead and waive that fee for you. Is there anything else I can help you with?" Um, nope, you've been helpful, thanks!

Okay, so I'm still in shock a little bit. First of all, it seemed way too easy to get that fixed and taken care of...especially getting the fee waived. Secondly, I feel like an ass. Being in the customer service field, it usually takes me a lot to get even remotely snippy or aggressive. But I started out that way on this phone call....probably partially because I felt it was going to be a battle to get this taken care of in the first place, and probably because my day was just shit anyway! So now, I was snippy with her, and she didn't deserve it. I wasn't snippy enough to be a bitch, but I was snippy enough for her to think I was.

Now I'm just shocked it's all taken care of. Could something have actually gone right?

But I won't considerate fully taken care of until I get a bill showing it's closed and the fee was waived. And that's IF I get a bill!

Posted by Sissy at 08:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 12, 2006

Didn't Know Wal-Mart Sold THOSE Toys

I lost a bet and had to go to Wal-Mart the other day.

I was roaming the toy aisles for two reasons: my friend just had a baby and I have a training class coming up and need supplies!

As I was roaming through the game aisle, this caught my eye and made me wonder for a second if I was in the right place:


A little obscene for a toy aisle don't ya think?

I couldn't help but giggle, alone in the game aisle. See what the Bad Example Family does to you!?!!

And for a better picture of what the toy really is, see below:


It's a Plug in Play *giggle* Dora the Explorer Joystick *giggle* to play Dora the Explorer Video Games on the TV.

If I wouldn't have known any better, I would have thought I was looking through a novelty magazine!

Then I thought, hmmm....does someone actually sell what I thought I saw??? I may have found my golden egg!

Posted by Sissy at 08:28 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

June 11, 2006


20 calendar days or 16 working days left....

...and my 4 year anniversary with the company today....

....but they wouldn't know that.

Posted by Sissy at 01:21 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 09, 2006

A Great Concert!

Last Monday, I kidnapped B and took her to Phoenix. I had purchased tickets to see Josh Kelley, but didn't tell her where were going until about 30 minutes before we had to be there.

We had a blast! Holly Brook, Tony Lucca, and Joe Firstman opened for Josh Kelley.

If you like folk/rock, you must check out the last 3 artists! They put on a great show!

We were in some dive college bar so we got to be up front to get some great pictures. Afterward, they all hung out at the bar, were drinking, talking to people and we got their autographs and our pictures taken with them.


Sissy, Joe Firstman, & B


Sissy, Josh Kelley, & B

More pictures in the extended entry...

JF Guitar (Small).jpg

JF Piano (Small).jpg

JK Tuning (Small).jpg

Josh Kelley (Small).jpg

TL JF JK (small).jpg

Josh Kelley4 (Small).jpg

Posted by Sissy at 10:55 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Freedom Countdown

20 calendar days...

14 working days...

Just to let ya know!

Posted by Sissy at 10:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 07, 2006

21 Days & Counting

I quit! That's right, I turned in my 3 week notice yesterday. June 30th will be my last day.

No, I have not been offered a job yet, but I need out...quickly. I've got the ant in my pants and if I could leave tonight, I would.

Work has been better now that I know there's an end in sight! Every shitty thing that happens, I know that it can only happen for 21 more days.

If I don't get the job that I flew to KC for and have had 3 freaking phone interviews for, than I have a semi-plan. I've got fundage to take care of bills for a couple of months, so I would take my time going across country while looking for a job and then once I get east, I would hard core look. That's the plan anyway.

I need some me time. I need some time with my family and my close friends. I need to make up for the hellacious past 9 months with some nice travel and company.

Whatever I can do to make the next 3 weeks go by quickly, I am!! Quickly, I say!!

Posted by Sissy at 11:28 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

June 01, 2006

Mom's Positive Spin

When you tell your mom about your day and her response is:

"Well, at least you have some good stuff to blog about,"

yea...that's just sad!

Posted by Sissy at 11:15 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

I'm Not Made of Money, My Company Is

  • $10 a day for internet service
  • $4 for a liter of water
  • $1 a page to use their printer
  • 10 free crappy channels, the rest cost you
  • $15 personal pizza from room service

    I hate stuck up hotels!

    Posted by Sissy at 11:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
  • The Storm Before the Calm?

    I've been frazzled this past week trying to figure everything out so everything goes smoothly. I guess I was frazzled for nothing because NOTHING went smoothly today.

    See the extended entry for the dump of the day:

    First of all, my budget to fly to KC for this interview was based on my commission check. That's a little tough when they gyp you $300. Their response? "Oh, we forgot to put your contract renewals on there. We'll put them on your June 2nd salary check." Hmmm, see how that doesn't help me today as it is June 1st!

    So there was tons of transferring money between accounts, being creative with bills, etc. Enough to give anyone a slight migraine.

    Then I found out that the company I am interviewing for would only reimburse my rental car, not pay for it upfront. They obviously heard about my magic ability to pull money out of my ass!

    Everything started out smoothly! Checked the bank account, money was good. Forgot to get a receipt when I pumped gas, oh well. Trip went fast and got to the airport in plenty of time.

    Good thing...

    The Phoenix Airport sucks. Yes, yes it does! There is 1 sign that tells you which airlines are at which terminal. I remember seeing my airline, but by the time I got to the terminals, I forgot which terminal mine was. I thought it was 3, so I went with it.

    Not knowing where their "I am broke" satellite parking was, I ended up having to park in the "I promise you my first born" parking, otherwise known as $20 a day. As I park, I call my dad to confirm that my airline was in terminal 3. From his memory, he said it sounded right, but if not, I could take a tram to the next terminal.

    I get my luggage and make the haul inside to where I see no America West counters. I ask an employee and he says that America West is in Terminal 4. And as I begin to ask questions, he interrupts me with, "Wait! Just cross the street to the island and take the bus to terminal 4. Now you can speak." I was too shocked at his reply to respond. I promptly hauled my luggage back to my car, determined to find the right terminal.

    I told the lady at the exit that I was at the wrong terminal and needed to get to 4, after taking a blood sample and a finger print that they did not charge me the $1 for being there for 15 minutes, she gave me instructions on how to get to the next terminal. "Exit terminal 3, circle around the airport, and then take the ramp to the terminal 4 parking garage."

    Ten minutes later, I get to the ramp where I see a sign that says 4th level has spots open, 5th level is full and 8th level has spots open. Knowing that 8th level must be on the roof where the sun would melt my car, I chose the 4th level. I drove around the 4th level for about 10 minutes to see that every spot was short term parking. Bastards! And for some reason, you cannot get to the 8th level from the 4th level. It's like a fucking maze! So I exit, telling her that I could not find parking and I need to re-enter. She skips the blood sample and tells me to exit, circle around the airport, and come back in.

    This time, as I'm entering the ramp, I see a small, small sign that says "Short Term Parking" under Level 4, right before you enter the ramp. Fuckers!

    So I park, make the haul to the airport to look for America West. Guess what? No America West. I'm walking around, and can't believe that I am still at the wrong terminal. And as I get ready to ask for help, I see another, small, small banner that says America West amongst all of the huge signs that say US Airways!

    On a business note, if you buy a company, then get rid of their fucking name! There is no need for separation to the customers. We don't care!

    After my suitcase fell onto a small child that didn't speak English while in line, I got checked in.

    Because I am a pro, I get through security and to my gate with time to spare! Enough time for me to get a bite to eat, some magazines, check email and get on a conference call. I'm that good! And my seat assignment was 12C. Not bad....not too far back and in the aisle. Alright, things are looking up!

    I figure Phoenix and Kansas City to be fairly large cities. But who would have thought that they will only send 50 people to and from these two places at a time. That's right, I was on a small 50 seater. Oh, but it gets better. 12C is in the ass of the plane! And when I say ass, I do mean ASS; right next to the lavatory which smelled like wet shit!

    And the plane looked like recycled parts from an old school bus from the 70's. Torn up seats, stickers peeling off, panels separated to show the cables behind them, lights in the aisle broken. The only positive thing I could think of maybe they put all their money into the maintenance of the plane.

    I ended up sitting by some hairy guy who insisted on hogging the arm rest and putting his right leg on my side of the leg area! Fucker! And I would squeeze as much as I could to the right of my seat and still felt invaded by his arm hair!

    On a side note. How long can you go without peeing? I know I am advanced in this area thanks to the military dad training of holding it! Well, I'm guessing the average is less than 2 hours since 12 people got up to pee during this 2 hour flight. 12! 12 people that did not close the lavatory door after leaving. 24 asses in my face as they made the turn to go in. And 5 of which would try to go back there while someone was already in there and figure out how to make the swap! It's an art, ya know.

    And as we finally land, the old man in front of me thinks he's a fucking comedian! "Alright, make a path," he yells to the front of the plane as he chuckles to himself. Then turns to say, "Man, that never works!" Then he must have a conversation with every single person around him. And when they aren't polite to him and won't acknowledge his humor by smiling or laughing, it gives him the fuel to keep going! "Alright, let's get a move on up there!" only pisses people off.

    Now it's time for the rental car. When I arrive at National, I go inside to pick up my car. This guy didn't seem very happy to see me, I'm not sure why not. Well, he want to swipe my card and he informs me that it was declined. I laughed...he didn't. He was serious. I told him to try again or try typing the numbers in. Still declined. Mother fucker! There is flipping money in there, I made sure of it.

    So I step out of line, call my bank to hear a balance of $4. Huh?????? $4???? At this point, I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to be violent. But I didn't have time. I called my mom to have her transfer money to my account until I could figure out what happened during my 5 hour journey to KC, knowing that I could transfer her back the money at midnight tonight when I got paid. I hated doing that. Hated! I felt so irresponsible!

    So I go back in line to my friend the National Asshole. He gives me my stuff to sign and tells me to take my packet to the lot that is marked midsize, pick whatever car I want in that lot.

    So I make my haul to the lot. Someone needs some help in this area, because they had SUV's and vans parked in the midsize lot. I was so confused. Once I found an actual midsize car, I could not find where to exit. Finally, I said fuck it and just pulled out and followed one of the shuttles. As I got to the check out, I asked the lady for instructions to Overland Park. She tells me "2 rights, XX North and then YY South". No problem! I knew I could call someone and get more specific instructions on my way since I'm a loser and forgot to print some.

    So I'm on the interstate, starting to calm down, about 15 miles from the airport and I go to call Napster to get instructions. Turns out the bitch at National gave me the wrong instructions and I should have been going South. Fighting back the tears, I unload on Napster about my day. 7 miles later, I find a place to turn around to go the right direction.

    Since then, things have seemed to be pretty much uneventful. Oh, the chinese place didn't give me silverware, my fortune was bullshit and I forgot my workout pants....but by this time, I was numb.

    So, a good dinner of fried rice (and while eating it prayed for no food poisoning), a good workout down in the gym, and now some venting. Let the negative energy burn!

    Posted by Sissy at 11:05 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Bustin' Out

    About of year ago, I found these linen/cotton Capri's pants for $5. Very comfy, cute, etc. Great bargain!

    As they started to fade, they turned into more around the house Capri's. And then work out gear.

    They've gotten to the point to where I can take them off without unbuttoning/unzipping. That always makes a girl feel good! I had noticed they were getting pretty worn out, but they were just for working out.

    So the other day, as Angel and I are coming out of the gym, I go to get in the car and all of a sudden I hear "riiiiiiip" and feel my ass against the leather seats! As I sit there in silence for a second, trying to figure out what happened, an old guy comes up to the car and says, "You ladies have been working out, let me take care of the door for you" and starts to shut my car door while I put on a shocking smile hoping he didn't see anything.

    When we got home, I followed Angel into the house, as my ass hanging out the back of my pants is something no one needs to see! And as I changed, I was bummed that my $5 pants were now worthless!

    All I can think is at least it was a pair of pants that were too big and not too small!

    Posted by Sissy at 10:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    The Agenda & The Update

    I surprisingly had an interview with another company today. It went quick, but went well. I was promised another phone interview and will be contacted in the next few days. The job seems cool, but I could tell I would get bored quickly. It would be in Charlotte, NC which isn't exactly where I want to be, but it would be a hell of a lot closer than Yuma!

    So I leave bright and early Thursday at 7am for my drive to Phoenix where I will fly to Kansas City. My interview is at 2pm CST on Friday. So at this time, cross your fingers, knock on wood, do a little dance, make a little love....oh, wait, just send some good vibes my way!

    Then Saturday morning I leave bright and early again to fly back to Phoenix and drive back to Yuma where I will get to drive myself crazy wondering where do I go from here! I'll certainly need to find a way to keep busy!

    And that's the update....Here's to everything going smooth, being uneventful, and being positive!!

    I hope the plane has enough tequila for the margaritas I'm going to need each direction!

    Posted by Sissy at 12:40 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Times of Need

    I think it's times of personal crisis that you learn what kind of friends you have and what kind of friend you are. Until that time, things can seem like a dream, until things start getting rough, then you really learn about friendship and what unconditional really means.

    I'm a solver. I want to fix things for everyone. I want everyone to be happy and if I can help in that someway, somehow...I will. I'm not scared to sacrifice. It is hard for me to sit back and not fix things. But, I have learned recently that is just as important, maybe more, than trying to solve things. Just being there. I'm starting to get it....

    And I've learned that if I see someone giving effort, no matter what size, I will standby for even longer. A little effort goes a long way with me.

    But when is enough, enough? Is there a time frame? Is there a certain event? Do you expect gratitude in return? Do you expect the same kind of care and concern in return? Is friendship supposed to be equal? Do you both give and take the same? Or does each person lean more on the side of either the giver or the taker?

    All I know is as of late, I have had to put a lot of things aside to help others. And I am okay with that. It seems like everyone I know here in Yuma is going through life changing/shattering things. I would never want to be in their shoes, and I wish there was more I could do to help.

    However, since I have been juggling everyone else's crises, my slightly selfish worries have been put away. And now I feel as if I haven't paid enough attention to them.

    I leave for my big interview tomorrow. The interview is actually on Friday. So tonight is full of preparing, packing, wrapping up last minute things. I'm a nervous wreck. Food doesn't want to stay in and I can't seem to slow down.

    In my crazy mind, a lot is riding on this interview. The chance for me to get the hell out of Yuma, the hell out of this company and get into something different. Then the thoughts of how do I get out of here if this doesn't work out? And school? I am behind and I am at a crossroads to where I can continue on and hope I don't fail or I can drop and owe a good chunk of money. Time is not on my side right now!

    This is the time I need the reassurance that everything is going to work out. Things as simple as what not to forget to bring, what are you going to wear, how are you going to do your hair, what are you going to say. The extra reminder of how I got this far and why I deserve this.

    And as the last week I haven't been able to get a moment of silence, here I sit, 8 hours before I leave for the airport, in total silence when I least want it.

    And though it seems selfish to even think these things, I can't help but want to run more because of them.

    But these are the things that make me stronger, independent, and even a better friend in the still doesn't change the need for now.

    Posted by Sissy at 12:35 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack