My Plan B

I've written about Dirt before. Basically, he could have been the one. If he wouldn't have been such a lying jerk, he could have been the one. Duh, I know! But, let me explain. I have never been any happier with anyone than him.

We lived in this small studio apartment. We had a 19" TV on top of an old console TV that didn't work. There was a twin bed, an old dresser and a chair. We put both of our computers (couldn't afford furniture, but had computers) on an old trunk. The "kitchen" had a small fridge, sink and card table. The kitchen was literally the size of a walk in closet. It didn't even have cabinets. I had to stack my dishes on the card table. The bathroom was small and old with only a stand up 1/2 shower. No closets. I would say this was about 300 square feet if that...no joke!

It didn't matter. Dirt and I were happy anywhere. We'd stay up and lay in bed playing cards, watching movies, goofing off on the computer, or just talking. He'd surprise me with flowers, cooking or little thoughtful gifts here and there. We went through a lot together...and he was always there for me. He was the one that always treated me the best. Until....

He up and left. One day I came home with a note on the ironing board that said he had to leave and that he was no good for me and for me to move on. Me, being 20 years old, freaked out! I didn't understand. I went from being depressed and upset to mad. He left me with bills for the apartment and other things. I'd call to see what the deal was, why he left. He finally called and left me 4 phone messages telling me how awful a person I was, how he couldn't believe he spent that time with me, and so forth. Really bad messages....really bad!

I moved on...never full understanding what happened. We talked in the future after I had moved to Arizona. I found out, at the time, he was married. His wife had cheated on him and gave him permission to cheat on her. Well, I was his choice. He said he screwed up though because he fell in love with me. And when he left that note, his wife found out what was going on and threatened to tell his command. You know the Marine Corps doesn't like that adultery stuff.

So, no pity here...this was just to catch you up to date. A couple of times since then, Dirt and I tried a relationship again, but I couldn't do it. He needed to fix some stuff in his personal life and learn to feel good about himself before he could be with me. He didn't like that answer...and as much as I wanted back what we had, I stuck with that answer.

Well, it's been nice knowing in the back of my head that I always had him there. If I couldn't find anyone else that made me that happy....he was still there. He said he would be. And that he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me. He was my plan B. I know that sounds awful, but in the back of my head, when I thought that I just wouldn't find anyone, I always had that extra thought that I could always make it with him.

Well, we all have former boyfriends/girlfriends that move on. My first boyfriend of 2 years ended up marrying someone the same name as me that is a music teacher (what I was going to be). My last real relationship, the one that went overseas and I never heard from, married another girl with my same name and had a kid. (And my name isn't that common!)

But it's cool, I don't regret anything. It's all just a little funny. But Dirt was my last "Plan B".

He moved out to North Carolina from California to try to make it work one more time with me...and I still couldn't do it. We would talk every once in a while and he finally found a girlfriend. A few weeks ago, he came down to South Carolina to see me. Even though I thought about it for a moment, trying to get back what we had, I knew it wasn't right....it wasn't healthy. We left it at that.

Well, I found out today that he is marrying his girlfriend, she's having his baby, and they moved to the town I moved to when I moved out to North Carolina from Arizona.

Whoa, what a blow! Now I know I was never going to go back to him. I KNEW it wasn't right. But he's officially gone...no more plan B...no more maybe's...no more what if's...it's done.