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July 07, 2005

Conspiracy Theories

Bottled Water

Our water companies supply us with piss poor water so that we must buy bottled water or water filters.

Cold Medicine

We are so advanced but we can't cure the common cold? How much money would companies lose if there was no need for cold medicines?

Automated Phone Systems

Set up with the phone companies to make us spend more time on the phone therefore spending more money.

Possible additional conspiracy with medical for us holding the phone up to our head, possible causing cancer or tennis elbow.

No Turn On Red

There is no reason we can't turn on a red if there is no traffic. This sign is posted everywhere so we waste more gas stopped at a stop light.

Light Bulbs

Are you telling me that we cannot create a light bulb to last more than 60 days? Even the "long lasting" bulbs.

Car Maintenance

Cars are programmed to break down on us when we don't have money. I'm still working on this one. They either feel the weight in our wallets or have a chip that can read our bank account.


I am convinced when the bug men come to spray that they plant bug eggs ready to hatch weeks later to infest your home with more bugs so you have to call them again. Especially silverfish!

Pot Holes

Tire companies come out at night and dig holes in the pavement in order to screw up your wheels. Little pot hole gnomes.

The Weather

It's hot & humid as hell, requiring us crank the AC in our vehicles, using more gas, making us pay for more gas.

Posted by Sissy at July 7, 2005 12:00 PM | TrackBack

Heh, heh...all true! Especially the car breaking down and being broke :(

Posted by: Napster at July 7, 2005 07:34 PM

What is "Evian" spelled backwards....

Posted by: spurs at July 7, 2005 09:43 PM

Oh man! I so agree with this post!

Posted by: Oddybobo at July 8, 2005 08:11 AM

You forgot these:

The car that runs on water, but the car companies are keeping it from us because their in cahoots with the oil companies.

The cure for cancer has been found but the drug companies and health insurance (who are in cahoots with each other) are keeping it from us so they can make money and trying to "cure" us.

Posted by: Machelle at July 8, 2005 08:50 AM

So god damn true!

Posted by: Susan at July 8, 2005 11:15 AM

I live on well water, so I pay 29 cents a gallon to drink something that won't make me a target in a lightning storm.

As far as tires: my tire company has road hazard insurance for just such a problem.

Posted by: at July 8, 2005 04:45 PM

And why does my dog always throw up on the carpet when the house is 90% hardwood flooring? :-)

Posted by: Harvey at July 8, 2005 05:16 PM