Moving to Arizona

On Moving to Arizona:

May 30th: Just moved to Arizona. Now this is a state that knows how to
live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is
beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here!

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in
an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure
to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots
of cactus and rocks What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for
me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people
get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But
getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over
60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I
learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like
this.

July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left
this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died
and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the
upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and shit... I learned my
lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!
And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the
AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to
order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now. $225,000
house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid
state.

Aug. 8th: If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator
is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked
cat!!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I
sat on the seats in the car, I thought my butt was on fire. I lost 2
layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and butt. Now my
car smells like burnt hair, fried butt, and baked cat.

Aug 10th: The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and
sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do crap for 2
damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next,
so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the
cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to
crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The
installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" Well, my
sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona. What
kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?? Will write later
to let you know how the trial goes."