Mama Knows

A year ago, I was mentioning a lot about my friendship with Angel, the one who's husband was cheating on her and she still was standing by his side. Enough to make you want to hurl. Enough that he was making a fool out of her and she was on the edge of getting out of a very harmful relationship, but couldn't run.

(Boring soapbox below)

Well, it got to a point last year where it was so sickening that she needed to choose between me (and the help I offered her to get out of that relationship) and him. She obviously chose him. (And as an update, they are seperated, he is still seeing his 2nd woman and she still thinks she'll win him back).

I'm cautious about who I let in. Very cautious. Enough so that there are just a couple that know at least 50% of my life story. There are a select few that I will truly be myself with and not question how it might affect me later. All I can say is that it is one of the most personal things I can give if I trust you.

I am very cautious of people that seem to try harder than usual to be my friend. I question motives and tend to fight back. I have been proven wrong and proven right. I tend to believe that cautious is good and safe. Those that are meant to come in will get in.

I also am very careful about who I am comfortable with, who I trust and who I keep close by. I have friends who are acquaintances and are fun to be around, and I have a select couple that I would confess the best and worst things to. The ones that I would immediately want to share important things with. The ones that I think of daily and their lives effect my life.

Fortunately/Unfortunately, if Angel were to call today and say, "I left him. I need a place to go, I need to start over", I would fly/drive my ass to the west coast and help her get out. Hell, if she said she didn't know if she was ready to leave but wanted to, I would be out there...

...because those select few get my friendship, my love, unconditionally. And I realize unconditional is a very strong word, which is why I only use that to describe a select couple....a select couple and my family.

So when you pass that title of "unconditional" to someone and then are let down, it's tough. You question yourself, you question them, you question your overall judgement of people. It's difficult.

When push comes to shove, I like to err on the side of people versus personal security. If it really comes down to it, I rather be dissapointed and let down then not giving someone the chance I thought they deserved.

I've been proven wrong and right. It happens. That whole "it's better to have love and lost" saying....I believe in that. There is not a single important relationship that didn't work out that I would trade back for anything....be it friendship or romantic.

But all I can say is, when I am let down by someone that I hold highly, dearly and close....it's a punch in the gut. It's shock, it's skeptisism, it's doubt and it takes my breath away. Enough so that I re-evaluate all relationships to be sure they are not going down that path.

With that being said, I am so very lucky to have people in my life that I enjoy being around. And a select few that I can trust and be comfortable with, that make me a better person. So every failed friendship/relationship is worth it to me, as that was a chance at a deeper connection with someone and I will never leave wondering if I should have been a better friend.

But as I evaluate who I am to others, I can't help but evaluate how those that are important to me affect me. Selfish, I know. But in the big scheme of things, the only ones I have a choice of are those that are not related to me by blood.

And as much as I hate to say it, mama knows! Mom's remember who was there in the good and the bad and when they couldn't/wouldn't be. Mom's remember who you went to when you were the most happy and when you were the most sad. Mom's remember who act unselfishly and who do what they wish they could do while away. When it all boils down, mama knows!

And let me tell you, they will remind you too!