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May 30, 2005

Day 3 of Vacation

Just FYI...I won't be capturing EVERYDAY of my vacation on here. Just those that I find semi-interesting.

I think my mom hired a hit on me! She sent my sister and me to get massages yesterday. She paid. I got the shit beat out of me. I am sore as hell! I feel like this woman broke some ribs! The center of my back hurts to the a sunburn. And I've been sleeping on the couch, so there is just no way to be comfortable until this pain goes away!

This morning, aroud 6:30am, my mom wakes me up to see if I want to go to the casino with her to play some 2 cent slots.

We headed to the casino in Joilet. Let me tell you, people take this stuff seriously. The place was FILLED with old people. With their diamond members cards on a leash hooked to their body, coupons for extra credits, a map of the casino. I swear!

I went in with $93. Just money left over from my drive up here that I didn't end up spending. So I start by sticking a $20 in this Dream of Jeannie (sp) machine. Within about 45 minutes. I was up $80. Off of just $20. Normally, I would have just stopped and been happy; but when mom comes to play, she comes to play for hours. I can't sit there for hours and not do anything. So I kept playing.

Let me throw a little side note in here...whenever the picture of the Jeannie in a bottle landed, she would say YES! If you get 3 adjacent, it sounds more like

!!! Can't hear it? Think of the diner scene in Harry Met Sally. There ya go!

So needless to say, whenever I hit the bonus, it sounded like my machine was having an orgasm. Just dandy!

$93 went away quickly. I went to the ATM, pulled out $140, NOT planning on playing it all. I knew I would need some cash for other things and figured I'd save on ATM fees. Hmmm...that was all gone in no time. Meanwhile, mom is playing on the same machine the whole time. So I come and sit next to her to watch. She slipped me about $80 worth of 20's here and there. I'm sure so I would stop staring at her and she could continue playing in peace. So I lost that too. I would then continue to people watch. Got some great people watching done. People have their rituals on these machines. Tapping the screen, hitting the buttons, standing, using their card for a certain amount of time, cashing out and putting it back in, hold certain lucky items.

But my favorite person of all, was a woman that was sitting at a machine doing all of the above, drinking some kind of cocktail, smoking a cigarette and wearing a What Would Jesus Do lanyard that held her casino card. That gave me a great 10-15 minutes of humor to actually consider, what Jesus would do in a casino. Many scenarios came from that 10-15 minutes.

So I lost $233 and she lost right under $300. But, she had like $100 worth of points on her little player card. So we went to the gift shop and wasted it all on crap! (she won't be able to use it in the future because they are moving) We bought Marine Corps coasters, more coasters with our last initial on them, 2-3 umbrellas, candy to bring home to my sister and stepdad, some drinks for the ride home. It was like cashing in the tickets at Chucky Cheese - aasking the guy, "how much more do we have to spend?"

We came back, played a little more softball outside - it was gorgeous out. Sis#1 started doing cartwheels. Then we started talking about round offs and square offs. She wasn't getting the I decided to show her. Hmmm...mistake. Those muscles haven't been used in, uh, hmmm, many many years. But I did them! Then it was mom's turn. Nothing better than to see your 41 year old mother out in the grass attempting a cartwheel. Her attempt was successful, sort of. And by successful, I mean there were no broken bones and no trips to the emergency room.

Then it was time for some Texas Hold 'Em for Dummies. We all know how to play, and whenever my uncle comes up (like this weekend), we play big - and for money! My uncle is usually the King....but we've all taken him once or twice. As a joke, for my mom's birthday, I bought her these Texas Hold 'Em for Dummies Cards. It basically has some notes on the front of the playing card on what you should be looking for and how likely your hand is good or not. We all had to practice before my uncle gets here!

I'm going to need a week to recover from my 2-week vacation if it keeps going like this. I feel beat up and it's only Day 3! Tomorrow is just a little shopping and going to a White Sox let's hope for no abuse!

Posted by Sissy at May 30, 2005 11:38 PM

Heh. Orgasming slot machines :-)

Posted by: Harvey at May 31, 2005 07:41 AM

Holy Crap! Your mom's only 41?!

Man o man o man do I feel old today.

Posted by: Machelle at May 31, 2005 09:39 AM

What are YOU talkin' about Machelle?!?! I'm older than her mom!

Oh, the humanity!

Posted by: Tammi at May 31, 2005 07:33 PM

What would Jesus do on the a casino...hahaha that's priceless.

Posted by: Morrigan at May 31, 2005 11:49 PM

LOL! Sounds like you are having fun. Enjoy!

Posted by: vw bug at June 1, 2005 07:48 AM