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July 12, 2005

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

Now I know why I haven't been dating!!


NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_________________________DATE OF BIRTH__________

HEIGHT___ WEIGHT_______ IQ__________ GPA___________


BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES___________________________

HOME ADDRESS_________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:

Number of years they have been married ___________________

If less than your age, explain



A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?



In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?



In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?



In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?




Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend _______________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________


Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:


B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:


C: A woman's place is in the:


D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:


E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________



F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:


F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________


Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating. (coming soon)

Posted by Sissy at July 12, 2005 09:17 AM | TrackBack

» Custos Honor links with: Application to date your daughter
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LOL! I'm going to print that out. I'll need it in a few years :-)

Posted by: Sally at July 12, 2005 12:07 PM

this is hilarious, had to link ya....

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at July 12, 2005 01:38 PM

This is GREAT!

; )

Posted by: Christina at July 12, 2005 09:02 PM

okay, look for a trackback later, I'm going to fill this out . . .

Posted by: Aris_Ravencroft at July 13, 2005 06:58 AM

This is great...I'll have to link this on my site!

Posted by: Leesa at July 13, 2005 01:00 PM


Posted by: Dash at July 13, 2005 01:35 PM

With 2 daughters, this will be great for future use.

Posted by: Tuck at July 13, 2005 08:00 PM

No daughters, but two granddaughters. I'm sending this to their parents.

Posted by: Vicki at July 13, 2005 08:19 PM

... I'll file this away, Riley will need it in ~15-35 years. /TJ

Posted by: TJ at July 15, 2005 10:07 PM

this is really it ill need it in a few years for my daughter.....haha lol

Posted by: brittany (brit) at July 17, 2005 07:48 PM

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

The Surgeon General has determined that violation of any of the above ten rules can be hazardous to your health and in laboratory test has resulted in DEATH

I thought this would go really well with the Application.................

Posted by: chief at August 19, 2005 07:47 PM

My dad received this "Application for Permission to Date My Daughter" as a joke from a friend. He took it and ran with it. He required any young man that wanted to take me on a date to fill it out, along with writting an essay, coming to his "office" for an interview and putting down a $200 deposit. There was one young man willing to do all of this and we have been together for 6 years now and married for one and one half years. I'm grateful to him for doing that for me.
Happily Married,

Posted by: Jessica at September 30, 2005 10:32 AM

I love it, my friend Luke told me about it so I could send it to my boyfriend, Justin. This is sooo funny. Ofcourse I'll never show it to my Dad or require him to get his parent's and pastor signature. Most likely he won't do though, I'll send it to him ne way.

Posted by: Dani at October 7, 2005 06:49 PM