Move To Change

Move to Change

It’s no secret that I’ve moved more than some people could imagine. My way of handling the life shattering news when I was younger was to use it to my advantage. Moving meant a new start. I could change something about myself, start over and leave behind any mistakes I had made. Eventually, moving became my answer when things weren’t going the way I wanted them to and I needed to make a change.

How do you change in front of others? When you change in front of others, they know you are trying something different, that you are recognizing/admitting that there was something wrong and that they may see your failures. With those thoughts, I have always considered it to be easier to start over somewhere new. We always say if I knew then what I know now….and that’s what I do….

As I have recently made the move from South Carolina to Arizona, I made new goals, new routines, new theories. But something else changed…

…my need to blog.

I lived in South Carolina for only 10 months. In that time, I had accomplished a good deal at work, but nothing in my personal life. I knew no one. I would go a full weekend without speaking a word. If I felt like talking, I either had to call someone that lived far away, or go shopping to get some human interaction. I had to know people to go out but I had to go out to know people.

The 10 months weren’t wasted. I learned to enjoy being alone. Seriously. I could laugh when I saw something or did something funny or ridiculous. I could cry when I was sad or lonely. I learned to handle those emotions without the need of others.

But there were times that I wanted to share these things, especially some of the ridiculous things that lead to my daily dose of humor. That’s when I started blogging. I could say what I wanted – when I wanted! And often times there was someone there to read and laugh too. Blogging was my connection to people when I had no connection. Mother’s sometimes joke that they crave adult conversation after being with their young children all day; I craved adult conversation after being with myself all day!

But alas, there has been a change! I moved to Yuma where I live with others (temporarily), work with people all day and have little time for myself. I find myself missing some of my alone time.

However, along with my wish to have people in my life, I lost my need to find that connection through blogging. I no longer see something and think, “I need to blog about that” or “Wow, what great blog fodder!”

Eight months ago, blogging became a necessity for my sanity. Now it is merely a place to periodically get away.
I am afraid that blogging will be inconsistent and infrequent. My material will not be as intimate or heart felt as it once was. I expect to lose readers, links and hits….but I am okay with that. One of the best lessons my blog mom Bou has taught me is that I have to blog for me, and no one else.

With that being said, at least when I do post, it will be because I wanted to, not because I needed to.