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June 01, 2006

The Storm Before the Calm?

I've been frazzled this past week trying to figure everything out so everything goes smoothly. I guess I was frazzled for nothing because NOTHING went smoothly today.

See the extended entry for the dump of the day:

First of all, my budget to fly to KC for this interview was based on my commission check. That's a little tough when they gyp you $300. Their response? "Oh, we forgot to put your contract renewals on there. We'll put them on your June 2nd salary check." Hmmm, see how that doesn't help me today as it is June 1st!

So there was tons of transferring money between accounts, being creative with bills, etc. Enough to give anyone a slight migraine.

Then I found out that the company I am interviewing for would only reimburse my rental car, not pay for it upfront. They obviously heard about my magic ability to pull money out of my ass!

Everything started out smoothly! Checked the bank account, money was good. Forgot to get a receipt when I pumped gas, oh well. Trip went fast and got to the airport in plenty of time.

Good thing...

The Phoenix Airport sucks. Yes, yes it does! There is 1 sign that tells you which airlines are at which terminal. I remember seeing my airline, but by the time I got to the terminals, I forgot which terminal mine was. I thought it was 3, so I went with it.

Not knowing where their "I am broke" satellite parking was, I ended up having to park in the "I promise you my first born" parking, otherwise known as $20 a day. As I park, I call my dad to confirm that my airline was in terminal 3. From his memory, he said it sounded right, but if not, I could take a tram to the next terminal.

I get my luggage and make the haul inside to where I see no America West counters. I ask an employee and he says that America West is in Terminal 4. And as I begin to ask questions, he interrupts me with, "Wait! Just cross the street to the island and take the bus to terminal 4. Now you can speak." I was too shocked at his reply to respond. I promptly hauled my luggage back to my car, determined to find the right terminal.

I told the lady at the exit that I was at the wrong terminal and needed to get to 4, after taking a blood sample and a finger print that they did not charge me the $1 for being there for 15 minutes, she gave me instructions on how to get to the next terminal. "Exit terminal 3, circle around the airport, and then take the ramp to the terminal 4 parking garage."

Ten minutes later, I get to the ramp where I see a sign that says 4th level has spots open, 5th level is full and 8th level has spots open. Knowing that 8th level must be on the roof where the sun would melt my car, I chose the 4th level. I drove around the 4th level for about 10 minutes to see that every spot was short term parking. Bastards! And for some reason, you cannot get to the 8th level from the 4th level. It's like a fucking maze! So I exit, telling her that I could not find parking and I need to re-enter. She skips the blood sample and tells me to exit, circle around the airport, and come back in.

This time, as I'm entering the ramp, I see a small, small sign that says "Short Term Parking" under Level 4, right before you enter the ramp. Fuckers!

So I park, make the haul to the airport to look for America West. Guess what? No America West. I'm walking around, and can't believe that I am still at the wrong terminal. And as I get ready to ask for help, I see another, small, small banner that says America West amongst all of the huge signs that say US Airways!

On a business note, if you buy a company, then get rid of their fucking name! There is no need for separation to the customers. We don't care!

After my suitcase fell onto a small child that didn't speak English while in line, I got checked in.

Because I am a pro, I get through security and to my gate with time to spare! Enough time for me to get a bite to eat, some magazines, check email and get on a conference call. I'm that good! And my seat assignment was 12C. Not bad....not too far back and in the aisle. Alright, things are looking up!

I figure Phoenix and Kansas City to be fairly large cities. But who would have thought that they will only send 50 people to and from these two places at a time. That's right, I was on a small 50 seater. Oh, but it gets better. 12C is in the ass of the plane! And when I say ass, I do mean ASS; right next to the lavatory which smelled like wet shit!

And the plane looked like recycled parts from an old school bus from the 70's. Torn up seats, stickers peeling off, panels separated to show the cables behind them, lights in the aisle broken. The only positive thing I could think of maybe they put all their money into the maintenance of the plane.

I ended up sitting by some hairy guy who insisted on hogging the arm rest and putting his right leg on my side of the leg area! Fucker! And I would squeeze as much as I could to the right of my seat and still felt invaded by his arm hair!

On a side note. How long can you go without peeing? I know I am advanced in this area thanks to the military dad training of holding it! Well, I'm guessing the average is less than 2 hours since 12 people got up to pee during this 2 hour flight. 12! 12 people that did not close the lavatory door after leaving. 24 asses in my face as they made the turn to go in. And 5 of which would try to go back there while someone was already in there and figure out how to make the swap! It's an art, ya know.

And as we finally land, the old man in front of me thinks he's a fucking comedian! "Alright, make a path," he yells to the front of the plane as he chuckles to himself. Then turns to say, "Man, that never works!" Then he must have a conversation with every single person around him. And when they aren't polite to him and won't acknowledge his humor by smiling or laughing, it gives him the fuel to keep going! "Alright, let's get a move on up there!" only pisses people off.

Now it's time for the rental car. When I arrive at National, I go inside to pick up my car. This guy didn't seem very happy to see me, I'm not sure why not. Well, he want to swipe my card and he informs me that it was declined. I laughed...he didn't. He was serious. I told him to try again or try typing the numbers in. Still declined. Mother fucker! There is flipping money in there, I made sure of it.

So I step out of line, call my bank to hear a balance of $4. Huh?????? $4???? At this point, I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to be violent. But I didn't have time. I called my mom to have her transfer money to my account until I could figure out what happened during my 5 hour journey to KC, knowing that I could transfer her back the money at midnight tonight when I got paid. I hated doing that. Hated! I felt so irresponsible!

So I go back in line to my friend the National Asshole. He gives me my stuff to sign and tells me to take my packet to the lot that is marked midsize, pick whatever car I want in that lot.

So I make my haul to the lot. Someone needs some help in this area, because they had SUV's and vans parked in the midsize lot. I was so confused. Once I found an actual midsize car, I could not find where to exit. Finally, I said fuck it and just pulled out and followed one of the shuttles. As I got to the check out, I asked the lady for instructions to Overland Park. She tells me "2 rights, XX North and then YY South". No problem! I knew I could call someone and get more specific instructions on my way since I'm a loser and forgot to print some.

So I'm on the interstate, starting to calm down, about 15 miles from the airport and I go to call Napster to get instructions. Turns out the bitch at National gave me the wrong instructions and I should have been going South. Fighting back the tears, I unload on Napster about my day. 7 miles later, I find a place to turn around to go the right direction.

Since then, things have seemed to be pretty much uneventful. Oh, the chinese place didn't give me silverware, my fortune was bullshit and I forgot my workout pants....but by this time, I was numb.

So, a good dinner of fried rice (and while eating it prayed for no food poisoning), a good workout down in the gym, and now some venting. Let the negative energy burn!

Posted by Sissy at June 1, 2006 11:05 PM | TrackBack

Wait. What happened to your money in 3 hours?!

Posted by: Bou at June 1, 2006 11:54 PM


Posted by: Harvey at June 6, 2006 10:50 AM